Tag Archives: death

Voice Better. Come And Enjoy The Golden Tones.

Quizzes Tonight:

7pm – Argyle Bar (Cellar). Jackpot £60. Cheat answer: Benito Mussolini (pic round)

9pm – The Newsroom. Jackpot £100. Cheat answer: The Handsome Family (music round)

God almighty. Last week’s Thursday night quizzes were a savage assault on your ears. I sounded like a broken vacuum cleaner. Made in Albania.

The voice was history, broken and ridiculous. Like an alien clown in a dust storm. Marti Pellow would have cried.

But tonight, Pellow had better watch out because the golden voice is back. Yes.

Once again I sound like your actual Dr Paul and its a dirty big relief. I absolutely hated sounding like I did last week. It felt like an imposter was in my throat, like I’d been possessed by the ghost of a ninety-nine year old bark-smoking sandpaper salesman from China.

Meanwhile, the bloke out of tonight’s music round cheat tip answer band has a terrific voice as well. And I can’t sing. So maybe he wins.

His name is Brett Sparks and the band is the Handsome Family. Here’s their song that’s in the music round at the Newsroom tonight:

The song is brilliant and, as ever, the recorded version is best but there’s no proper video for it so I’m posting this live one instead. The bonus is that the other person in the band (Rennie Sparks – the singer’s wife) explains a little bit about how she wrote the song.

I like the Handsome Family. They have lots of songs where darkness and death somehow translate into sweet country sounds.

To be fair, they sound a bit shite on this video. But that’s live music for you.

If you have the time, listen to their song ‘The Snow White Diner‘ (video below). It’s about a woman who kills herself and her children while rubberneckers gawp and deaf people just laugh.

 

Anyway, the main thing is: COME TO THE QUIZ. See you later.

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Thursday Night Pub Quiz Action in Edinburgh

Tonight:

7pm – Argyle Bar (Cellar). Jackpot £90. Cheat answer: Chicago (pic round)

9pm – The Newsroom. Jackpot £100. Cheat answer: Janet Jackson (pic round)

The music round cheat answer is by Janet Jackson. Her brother is dead but you don’t care… he was just a pop star.

They’re all just pop stars and they all go. Even the bloke out of The Fall.

Mind you, I liked The Fall and it might just improve your life ever so slightly (if you’ve never heard of them) if I were to share one of two of their works.

You could well hate them, but you never know…

1. Kicker Conspiracy

(Flair is punished)

2. Eat Yourself Fitter

(Like many of their songs, I have no real idea what’s going on in the song – just like it)

3. Lost In Music

Disco cover. This one has a cunt talking for the first 45 secs. Best to fast forward

4. Edinburgh Man

Local tour:

 

 

 

 

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Favourite Deaths, Part 1

One of my favourite deaths is that of the Greek playwright Aeschylus back in the good old days of the 5th century BC.

Aeschylus was visiting Sicily and was outside, situated away from trees, cliffs etc. He did this a lot as there was a prophecy saying that he would be killed by a falling object.

Unluckily for Aeschylus, a nearby eagle had captured a tortoise and was flying overhead, looking for a rock to drop the tortoise onto, which would smash its shell.

The eagle, being bird-brained, mistook Aeschylus’s bald head for a rock, and dropped the tortoise straight onto the acclaimed playwright, killing him instantly.

Luckily for us, someone was there to take a photo of the incident.

Cause of death: FALLING TORTOISE. What are the odds?

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Thursday Yeah Yeah Edinburgh Pub Quiz Action

Yeah baby. YEAH.

7pm – Argyle Bar (Cellar). Jackpot £90. Cheat: One of the music round hits is by Timmy Trumpet & Savage. See vid below to hear the song.

9pm – The Newsroom. Jackpot £100. Cheat answer: One of the picture round answers is ‘Chinstrap (Penguin)’

Everyone in this pop song looks like they’re having a really great time.

The rapper sounds a bit like Fatman Scoop. Remember him? His gimmick was being overweight.The crowd and the dancing girls seem happy enough.

One of the least convincing characters in the video is Timmy Trumpet himself.

Wikipedia says mister Trumpet (real name Smith) “became popular in Ibiza; playing live trumpet solos over electronic dance music tracks during DJs shows.”

To be honest, he looks a bit pained. I wonder if he would rather be in a nice Tijuana band or possibly the James Last orchestra.

It looks maybe like dance music became a way to make money…

And you know how that pans out for years and years of making the bills.

SADNESS AND DEATH.

Am I being too dismal? Cheer up – it’s only the second of the month.

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King Sized Mega Jackpots Tonight

Last week’s Thursday quizzes both ended in rollover. Tonight sees LARGE prizes for players:

7pm – Argyle Bar. Jackpot £270. Cheat news: Music Round includes Gary Moore. See video below.

9pm – The Newsroom. Jackpot £200. Cheat news: The picture round includes a beaver.

Gary Moore had the blues. He had a lot of blues. So blue. Now he’s dead, he feels nothing? Who is the winner in this confrontation? Only time.

Remember, don’t put him in the DEAD POOL.

 

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Thursday Quiz Time

7pm – Argyle Bar. Jackpot £60. Cheat: Terry Jacks is in the music round. Doing his classic song. See vid below.

9pm – The Newsroom. Jackpot £50. Cheat: One of the answers in the picture round is ‘Fly’.

The song was a whopper hit in the seventies. A man is about to die in the song but it’s only a sanitization of a Jacques Brel song.

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Stuff I Learned At The Quiz This Week

Maggie told me at the Joker & The Thief that a man in the USA died from choking on a donut during a donut eating challenge. This turns out to be true.

Detail: The donut was a half-pounder and the man 42 years old. His name was Travis. The prize for eating the donut is that you get the donut for free and you get a badge.

Travis was going great guns but halfway through, choked, started thumping the counter of the shop and then turned blue and collapsed. He died right there in front of a crowd that had just been cheering him on.

The article I read does not detail whether the donut shop sent the badge to his family anyway or, more likely, they would deem the challenge incomplete.

What else?

There was a team at the Safari Lounge last night called “Ornitorrincos“. what’s that? Turns out this is Spanish for “Platypus”.

 

Another team name at the Brass Monkey led to a surprising discovery. I thought “His Ding-A-Ling’s Up” was something to do with Chuck Berry but it turns out it’s a reference to a 1970s porn musical film titled: Alice In Wonderland: An X-Rated Musical Fantasy.

I had no idea such a thing existed. The team name refers to a part of the film where the characters restore Humpty Dumpty’s failed erection. Now you know.

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July Dead Pool

No one you chose for death popped off in June. The entries are in for July, here’s the list.

The number of mentions reflects the number of times the person was entered. As usual, old cunt supreme Prince Philip is top choice but health showings this month too from Bruce Forsyth and Donald Motherfucking Trumpet.

Everybody loves a winner.

Ally McCoist
Betty White
Betty White
Billy Joel
Bindi Irwin
Bob Dylan
Bobby Charlton
Boris Johnson
Boris Johnson
Bruce Forsyth
Bruce Forsyth
Bruce Forsyth
Bruce Forsyth
Bruce Forsyth
Charlie Sheen
Clint Eastwood
David Attenborough
David Attenborough
David Attenborough
David Cameron
David Jason

_trump nazi

Donald Trump
Donald Trump
Donald Trump
Donald Trump
Donald Trump
Dr Paul
Elton John
Ewan McGregor
Fidel Castro
Gene Wilder
George Osbourne
Hugh Hefner
Ian McKellen
Iggy Pop
Jeremy Corbyn
Jimmy Carter
Keith Richards
Kirk Douglas
Kirk Douglas
Kirk Douglas
Liam Neeson
Lindsey Lohan
Macaulay Culkin
Margory Madeiline (I have no idea who this is)

_meatloaf

Meatloaf
Meatloaf
Meatloaf
Meatloaf
Meatloaf
Menzies Campbell
Michael Aspel
Michael Caine
Michael Gove
Michael J Fox
Midge Ure
Nigel Farage
Nigel Farage
Noel Edmonds
Paul McCartney
Paul McCartney
Perez de Cuellar

_prince fucking philip

Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Rick Parfitt
Rolf Harris
Roy Hodgson
Ryan Reynolds
Shane McGowan
Shirley Bassey
Silvio Berlusconi
Stan Lee
The Queen
The Queen
The Queen
The Queen
Tom Baker
Vladimir Putin
Whoopi Goldberg
Zsa Zsa Gabor

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Harambe – Moment of Execution

I had a drawing contest at the Brass Monkey Leith last night where quizzers had to draw the moment of Harambe’s death (the gorilla at Cincinatti Zoo who was unlucky enough to have a 4-year old human stray into his territory the other day).

That 4-year-old was, apparently, keen to see the gorillas at closer quarters. Well he certainly got that. But he also now faces a life scarred by the day he was responsible for the violent death of a mighty ape at the age of four.

Our art contest entries reflect the trauma:

  1. Lady Gorilla Is Saddrawing gorilla death5
  2. Proper Drawingdrawing gorilla death6
  3. The Way The Kid Will Remember Itdrawing gorilla death7
  4. Brutal, raw, uncontrolled (with small penis).drawing gorilla death8
  5. Primitive Styledrawing gorilla death1
  6. A Loss of Personality. Conceptual.drawing gorilla death2
  7. Somehow Includes Super Mario and David Camerondrawing gorilla death3

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