There’s football at Easter Road tonight but we anticipate no problems whatsoever as I hear ticket sales are slack.
No surprise when you consider the offering is a poor Scotland team seeking to eke out a thin win in a godforsaken “friendly” match against a flimsy Canadian side who literally don’t know how to play the game, seeing as how all their energy is taken up with maple syrup and ice hockey and mooses.
Obviously, the usual die-hard no-matter-what nationalists* with red beards and kilts and all that will attend and they may be joined by some of the Canadian students who live in the city, out of curiosity.
But the time the match is over on this freezing March night, these students will be cursing their curiosity, wondering where their money went, and questioning why anyone would ever make a fuss about “soccer”.
They’ll never attend live football again. Why? Because friendlies are rubbish. So don’t go to Easter Road. Come to the quiz instead.
Good jackpots tonight by the way: £150 in both boozers. Win big and feel it.
The cheat clue for the Joker is Monie Love. It’s in the music round and the song in question is this:
*I voted Yes last time before you get all mental about that sentence. I might not this time though. Genuine don’t know.
NEWSROOM, 9PM – Jackpot £100, Cheat: “Sir Mix-a-Lot” (see vid at bottom of post)
Tonight’s quizzes focus on the bilateral struggle of charity and capitalism and their varying efforts to make the world a better place.
No they don’t, it’s just about getting pissed and winning cash.
So the music round clue tonight is for the Newsroom and it’s this amazing piece of old-skool bombast from Sir Mix-a_Lot, about whom I know little other than the fact that he likes big butts. You’ll recognise the hook.
Leith Walk? The luckiest street in Europe? It’s true. Some scientists measured the luck of people walking up and down Leith Walk and compared this with statistics from three hundred other streets in Edinburgh and a similar sample from eighty other cities around the world including Jakarta and Vienna.
Turns out that Leith Walk is luckier than anyone previously imagined. It’s the best. Just walking down it will make you luckier by eight per cent (average). Actually going to the boozer there will increase your spawn by seventeen per cent (average)*.
The amazing Safari Lounge is hidden away in Abbeyhill. I keep meeting people who go in there after walking past it for months and they always say “Aaah – it’s really great – I wish I’d popped in before.”
So, take it from them and while you’re at it, come to the quiz.
Jackpot: Tonight’s super jackpot is…
Cheat: The picture round contains the answer ‘Luxembourg”
This is your doctor speaking. Take my advice: be cool.
*remember that most of the shit I come up with on these blogs isnae even real.
Cheat: The quiz includes Man 2 Man & Man Parrish in the music round (see vid below), a massive 80s banger of Jurassic proportions.
After the relative intellectual fervour of the Argyle, a fast cab whisks me off to the Newsroom where the transient and the drunk dominate the scene. As I’ve said before, if you ever want to actually win a quiz, just come to the Newsroom.
Jackpot: A quasi-terrific £50
Cheat: The quiz includes the answer Argentina, as part of the picture round.
Cheat: The music round tonight will include The Vaccines. This song:
I’ve just a had a look at the video. The guy doesn’t look like a pop singer at all. He looks like a guy who comes round to fix your computer but can’t work out what the problem is. He looks like the sort of bloke who doesn’t know what do do at a rave. He looks like his jokes are all preceded by the statement: “Listen. I’ve got this really good joke.”
That’s all a bit judgemental. Now I feel bad for the guy.
However, I’ve now just Wiki’d him. Turns he’s called Justin and the great-grandson of a famous painter and the son of a film-maker.
“…he grew up in a “musical household” and began playing music by borrowing his father’s guitars. It has been said that he loved Elvis during his childhood.
The future is no education. There will be robots to think and do everything. Why train a human?
While you consider this bleak outlook, treasure the brain you still have, take it to the pub and make it think answers for you at the quiz while you simultaneously murder it with booze. You can get away with it by calling it ‘symbiotic’.
Cheat: The music round at the Tolbooth tonight includes the answer Hot Butter. It’s all about this apocalyptic banger:
Meanwhile: consider this. Since they dropped the first atomic bomb in 1945 the power has existed to kill us all in one go.
The psychological impact of knowing this and living with this knowledge makes us who we are today.
There can be no comparing people from pre-1945 to us because this knowledge makes us all fundamentally different to people from before that time. There was no way that destroying everyone in one shot could be comprehended back then. We’ve lived with it every day of our lives. No wonder we’re all mad.
Uptown sophistication (in the minds eye of those who drink there).
Jackpot: Tonight you can win £50 in cash money dollar-pounds
Cheat: The music round contains the heady 90s sound of En Vogue which you can pre-hear by clicking on the video below. I bet you know the tune.
And by the way, speaking of tunes – what tune is this supposed to be? The musical note doodles indicate a tune is being applied – but I don’t know what tune it is. If you can help with the answer, tweet me...