Category Archives: Jokes Round

Some jokes from the jokes round

Thursday Night Quizzes And The Viability of The Jokes Round

We’ve had a run of jackpots on Thursday nights recently so I might be inclined to make the jackpot bastard-difficult tonight. We’ll see what happens, see what comes out of my randomiser…

The other thing, should we bring back the jokes round or is it always doomed to be shite?

vegetarian funeral joke

Meanwhile, here’s the shoop for tonight’s quizzes:

Argyle Bar (Cellar), 7pm

Jackpot: A scintillating, titillating £30. Hey.

Cheat: The quiz includes Man 2 Man & Man Parrish in the music round (see vid below), a massive 80s banger of Jurassic proportions.

Newsroom, 9pm

After the relative intellectual fervour of the Argyle, a fast cab whisks me off to the Newsroom where the transient and the drunk dominate the scene. As I’ve said before, if you ever want to actually win a quiz, just come to the Newsroom.

Jackpot: A quasi-terrific £50

Cheat: The quiz includes the answer Argentina, as part of the picture round.

Quiz winner
loads of money!

Here’s the video:

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Commonwealth Games, But Better

The other week I asked teams to come up with new events which might make the Glasgow Commonwealth Games (which is just a shit Olympics) more watchable. Here are some of the suggestions I received:

a_scan017 a_scan018 a_scan019If you can’t read them:

  1. Stabbing
  2. First One To Get To Greggs
  3. The Cripple Jump
  4. Quadraplegic Freestyle Masturbation
  5. Taps Aff Sauchiehall Street “Assault” Course
  6. Gardening / Best At Weeding
  7. 10 meter Muff Diving
  8. Shetland Pony Racing – One On Each Foot
  9. Up-hill Skateboarding
  10. Best Royal Insults
  11. Getting Back To Athletes Village On Bucky
  12. Wankathon
  13. Jousting On Pogo Sticks Plus 100 Metre Hurdle Finish

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

What’s The Best Thing You’ve Ever Done?

Instead of the jokes round the other week I tried a boast-off. I asked the question: “What is the best thing you’ve ever done?”

The answers varied from the heroic to the outrageous to the dumb to the lies. See if you can work out which is which from these selected highlights:

Apologies to Nicole Kidman, Nigel Havers, Ferne Cotton, Jane Seymour, Jessica Alba, Prince William and the bloke ou of Gladiators if any of these are innaccurate,

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

The Time That Dan Saved A Baby From A Burning Bus

As an alternative to the jokes round the other night at the Reverie, I tried a bragging round.

Instruction: write down the best thing you have ever done. Best brag wins a packet of mint Viscount biscuits.

Here’s what was claimed:

  1. I’ve seen Elton John live in Las Vegas (at Caesar’s Palace)
  2. I was born with  this moustache.
  3. I caught crabs off Chelsea Clinton
  4. I saved a baby from a burning bus (a number eight) outside the Reverie and put the fire oot! This is backed up by a video  that a pure radge boy filmed on his tidy phone!
  5. I have my grandfather’s mummified ears in a box at home.
  6. My dad used to own this place.
  7. Dan hada bath with Whitney Houston.
  8. My brother in law won X FActor (Steve Brookstein)
  9. I rode a unicorn

Dan who works at the Reverie was responisble for number 4 above and that  proved to be the winner on the grounds that is heroic and is definitely true.

DAn, hiding behind the evil of the Beast

I  thought the crabs-from-Chelsea-Clinton might stand a chance but the more they were questioned, the more the team responsible appeared to have no back up.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Whitney Houston Jokes So Far

Whitney Houston, not particularly enjoying the jokes

OK, Whitney Houston’s pretty famous (although most folk could only name about three of her hits), so there was a wee influx in the jokes round over the last week at  the various pub quizzes.

Here they are so far:

 

What’s the difference between Whitney Houston and Maggie Thatcher?

Whitney died a tragic death and that cow is still alive.

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Whitney Houston is Bobby Brown Bread

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Why did Whitney Houston cross the road?

She didnae. She’s deid.

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What’s the difference between Whitney Houston and  a dead crack head?

Fuck all.

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Breaking news: Bobby Brown has been found dead with a note saying “Two Can Play At That Game…”

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What’s the difference between Whitney Houston and my car?

My car can reach 50.

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What did Whitney Houston and the Costa Concordia have in common?

They both hit too many rocks and died in the water!

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“It’s not right, but its OK,” said Whitney Houston’s coroner…

… as he took off his trousers.

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What is Whitney Houston’s next film going to be called?

The Bodybag

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Whitney Houston died doing what she did best…

Holding notes!

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What’s pink and lies on the doormat?

Whitney Houston’s Valentine Cards.

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News of Whitney Houston’s ACIDental death travelled with such SPEED, its made my voice CRACK with emotion and now I’m HORSE because she was a real HEROIN of mine until she met Mr BROWN. She really made a HASH of things then her life went to POT. EE! It’s such a BLOW, someone should have kept TABS on her.

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What’s the difference between Alex Ferguson and Whitney Houston?

Ferguson is still playing Giggs.

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Thanks to the teams at the Brass Monkey Leith, from whence most of these ‘jokes’ came.

N.B. we also had a team called “WHIT! NAE HOUSTON?” Arf.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.