Sunday. Both quizzes were jackpots last week so we are down to the basics tonight: £30 available in each joint.
The world cup has started but, as ever, the tournament only really gets interesting in the knockout phases, so you can comfortably ignore shite like Slovakia versus Paraguay.
Tonight’s cheat music is misery-makers supreme Radiohead. To hear their individual brand of woe, click on the vid below.
If you’d like to extend the pain, someone has put the osng on youtube at 800% slower. Naturally, it’s been viewed over half a million times:
Listening to Radiohead at one eighth of the speed is very Sunday. It’s like the old days when I used to go to church (as a child) and then you’d come home and it was still the morning and you felt like life was going to last forever, not in a good way.
This is the eighties of course, way before instant entertainment. If you did dare to switch the telly on the very best it would get would be Little House on The Prairie but after that it would just be endless Harry Secombe, Landward, Judith Chalmers, Songs Of Praise, Cliff MIchelmore, Ski Sunday, Horse of the Year Show, Michael Aspel.
SUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDDDDAY
Also, BBC 2 in those days would, like a used-up uncle, take several hours nap in the afternoon. It would sometimes look like this:
Nothing ever happened. If you went outside, all the shops would be shut and all that you had to fill your head were thoughts of imminent nuclear destruction by the Soviets (another early-eighties slice of fun)
Dial forward to the era of the super-information highway and you can now have high-def porn, followed by World Cup, followed by buying shite off of ebay. Then get La Favorita to deliver a pizza of your choice.
I guess Radiohead are just trying to recapture the days of nothingness.
Having considered this now for a few minutes, I am more sympathetic to their cause. Especially with the 800% slower thing. Nice.
The music cheat for the Newsroom tonight is Genesis, led by evil centre-forward and all-time BEAST, Phil “the widowmaker” Collins.
The song, as Phil Collins revealed in his 1992 autobiography ‘I Am The Beast‘ is a prediction of what will happen when the rapture finally engulfs the Earthly plane and the dark lord, Satan himself (who is currently abating his dark majesty to inhabit the body of a drummer) will once again grow to his full size and begin the final destruction of humanity.
Collins’s evil acts such as famines, tsunamis and terrorism are just placemarkers, time-wasters, minor acts of cruelty, amusements until Satan returns in full.
Note the lyric “slowly tears you apart“.
The final showdown of humanity versus the Devil aint gonna be quick. It’s gonna be nasty.
You read it here first.
If you’re still reading this you may enjoy my TWITTER for even more Dr Paul related infotainment.
It’s modern country music which equals = sentimentality multiplied by patriotism and raised to the power of schmaltz.
The youtube comments are full of people who have “lost people” to cancer etc. If you like reading shit like “Take A Break” and “Love It!” magazine, you’ll gorge on these comments like a gannet eating a discarded fish supper at North Berwick.
I understand it, but personally it makes me feel like killing myself by jumping into a vat of Golden Syrup.
Luckily, being a music round clip, the pain of this audio-diabetes will be limited to around one twenty-second clip. Twice.
Actually, three times if you count the bit where I do the answers but usually I’m talking at that point so the glucose will be thinned out with my horrific cynicism.
Bit of a cunt’s choice.
Speaking of which Cunto cards are back in stock and I will have a few decks with me tonight if you’re looking for a pack.
9pm – Safari Lounge. Jackpot £60. Cheat news: Black Rebel Motorcycle Club (music round)
A hundred and fifty quid? You could get a new kitchen for that probably, I don’t know, I’m not really in the market for kitchens.
Here’s the cheat source for Safari:
This is the straightest white man rock and roll possible. The sort of band that people like when they’re terminally afraid of showing any love for Eurovision pop just in case they catch the gay.
Doesn’t make the tune bad though, it’s nice. Good rock and roll. But don’t forget to bop to the pop too.
Rock makes you strong. But pop makes you great.
By the way 2018 deck of Cunto Cards are back in stock so stop me and buy one if you want to get in on the action.
Yo
Dr P
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Sunday. You can march along Princes Street for women’s rights in the afternoon then come to the quiz afterwards and win the money, blow those MEN out of the water.
Which men? The men that make up BLUE FOX TUESDAY, who are threatening to win another seasonal championship at the Persevere.
Blue Fox Tuesday – Sometimes Invulnerable
Tonight’s cheat music is Julian Cope (for the Tolbooth Tavern) with an interesting take on suicide bombers. It’s titled: ‘All The Blowing-Themselves-Up Motherfuckers (Will Realise The Minute They Die That They Were Suckers)‘.
No official video as Cope in a not a bankrolled mega-artist, but someone has put the song to some footage from Afghanistan. Here’s a non-reality version if you would like to hear the song but avoid the gore:
If you ARE actually a suicide bomber, then don’t. All you do is kill people and make a mess. Everyone is sad and nothing gets fixed.
Come to the quiz instead and win booze and money! Everyone is happy and all problems are solved.
The Rolling Stones Laad StinkerPunday Night Quiz Team Name
The music cheat for the Newsroom tonight is Alicia Keys.
The video is great. It starts off with Alicia Keys looking AWKWARD in her boots but this is soon forgotten as she hits the streets and reveals herself as a superhero who can HEAL DOGS with a single touch.
Then she rides a bmw motorcycle to an ABANDONED INDUSTRIAL FACILITY to pump her piano and then nearly busts some guy’s face with her mysterious powers which in turn make her CRY.
Brilliant.
If you’re still reading this you may enjoy my TWITTER for even more Dr Paul related infotainment.
It’s the greatest song ever written and the greatest video ever made. It’s the moment when Rod Stewart single-handedly broke the seventies into small pieces and created what we still call “the eighties.”
The youtube comments on the video seem to be an awful lot to do with Grand Theft Auto San Andreas.
One bloke says
"GTA on PS2... best time of my life"
– that’s the entire comment and it has 1400 likes.
Is it me or is that hugely sad? All these people? And playing a computer game was the BEST time of their LIFE?
It’s a cliche, but they NEED TO GET OUT OF THE HOUSE.
You can get out the house tonight. At the q uiz. And maybe even out of your mind. If you do, that’s fine. I’m not your dad although, increasingly, I’m old enough to be so.
By the way, I had a bit of downtime but Cunto cards are back in stock and I will have a few decks with me tonight if you’re looking for a pack.
