How Quizmasters Risk DEATH To Bring You Entertainment

Look: my extension is busted and I could have received an electric shock.

dangerThink of  THAT next time you’re moaning about a Sugababes question…

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Unusual Neckwear At The Newsroom

There was a guy wearing a lariat at the Newsroom quiz last night.

bolo tieYou don’t see that very often.

I asked him about it and it turns out he’s a proper country musician, a guy called Paul.

Additionally, he was on the team which won £50. Yeeeee-hah!

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Yorkshire Accent Joke

yorkshire accent joke

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Get A Grip

So I do my usual spiel about the pub being too posh for a £20 jackpot to touch the sides.

“Tell you what” I announce, “Maybe if you’re so rich that £20 doesn’t matter and you win the jackpot, maybe you can throw it at a tramp on the way home”.

Cue this being handed in:
IMG_0218

Good grief.

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How To Win The Jokes Round Without Even Trying

So, at the jokes round the other night at Usher’s there was the usual come-on-bear and hello-me cheese jokes, the odd failed knock-knock and so on and then also this:
???????????????????????????????

Quite simply it stormed the jokes round. Everyone voted for it. No idea what was going on there. Classic.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

November Dead Pool – Entries So Far

Predict the most famous person to die in November to win a million pounds. 59 entries so far – here’s what the list looks like at the moment…

Alex Salmond
Aretha Franklin
Barbara Streisand
Barbara Windsor
Betty White
Bill Clinton
Brooks Newmark
Bruce Forsyth
Bruce Forsyth

Bruce Forsyth

Charlie Sheen
Charlie Sheen
Cher
Christopher Lee
Clint Eastwood
Dan Balzerian
Ed Sheeran
Gary Glitter
George Bush Sr
Hugh Hefner
Hugh Hefner
Iggy Pop
Jackie Stallone
Jimmy Carter
Jonathan Hill
Joseph Ratzinger
Jules Bianchi
Justin Bieber
Kate Moss
Kim Jong Il
Kim Jong Un
Kim Jong-Un
Matt Busby
Michael Caine
Morgan Freeman
Morrissey
Morrissey
Morrissey
Muhammed Ali
Muhammed Ali
Muhammed Ali
Oscar Pistorius
Ozzy Osbourne
Paul Gascoigne
Paul Gascoigne
Prince Charles
Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Prince Philip
Robbie Williams
Rolf Harris
Stephen Fry
Stephen Fry
The Queen
The Queen
The Queen
The Queen
Tony Bennett

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Dead Pool September – We Have A Winner!

Here was the characters who were marked down for the reaper by our doom-sayers during August for the month of September, together twith their breathing-or-not status for 1st October.

Billy Connolly    alive
Bruce Forsyth    alive
Charlie Sheen    alive
Christopher Lee    alive
Clint Eastwood    alive
Daniel Radcliffe    alive
Daniella Westbrook    alive
David Attenborough    alive
David Hasselhoff    alive
David Jason    alive
Drake    alive
George HW Bush    alive
Ian McKellan    alive
Jack Nicholson    alive
James Earl Jones    alive
Janet Jackson    alive
Joan Rivers    died Sep 4th 2014


Justin Bieber    alive
Kirk Douglas    alive
Lewis Hamilton    alive
Liam Gallagher    alive
Lindsay Lohan    alive
Macaulay Culkin    alive
Mariah Carey    alive
Martin Sheen    alive
Mel Brooks    alive
Michael Caine    alive
Michael Douglas    alive
Michael Parkinson    alive
Michael Schumacher    alive
Michel Cera    alive
Muhammed Ali    alive
Nancy Reagan    alive
Nicholas Parsons    alive
Oscar Pistorius    alive
Ozzy Osbourne    alive
Paul Gascoigne    alive
Pete Doherty    alive
Pope Benedict XVI    alive
Prince Philip    alive
Quentin Tarantino    alive
Rolf Harris    alive
Ronnie Woods    alive
Sean Connery    alive
Silvio Berlusconi    alive
Sinead O’Connor    alive
Stan Lee    alive
The Queen    alive
Zsa Zsa Gabor    alive

Eagle-eyed readers will notice that there is only one goner on the list, beating various nonagenarians to the finishing tape it was acclaimed Zionist and comedienne Joan Rivers who took the chequered flag.

Three Dead-Poolers had Rivers and they went into the draw but who won? Watch the video to find out…

 

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Another Amazing Prize

Some of the rubbish I give away under the heading of “prize” has to bee seen and felt to be believed.

At least this one was signed by Susan Boyle.

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Team Names from September 2014

Here’s a wee list of pub quiz team names from September which were notable enough to write down on a separate note:

  1. Mike Hawke’s Cheesy Sauce
  2. The Venga Bollocks
  3. I Fucking Hate PandasI fucking hate pandas
  4. The Unemployed Pissheads
  5. The Dapper Flaps (Keeping it Clean for the Queen)
  6. We Were Just Evicted – Any Sympathy Points?
  7. Alex Salmond’s Fluffer Squad
  8. Let’s Get Quizzical
  9. Martin Sounds Like A Girl
  10. Da Witte Wij Nie*
  11. Devon Knows I’m Miserable Now
  12. Fuck the 55
  13. 1 Guy, 1 Cup
  14. Peter Reid Frae Peterheid Is Deid
  15. Stephen Hawking’s Kendo Stick
  16. Racecar Is Racecar Backwards
  17. FHRITP**

A couple need explaining. “DA WITTE WIJ NIE” apparently means WE KNOW NOTHING in some kind of Dutch dialect, the team being Dutch. And it was no idle boast: this team, who competed at No.1 Grange Road, were sensationally bad, even given the handicap of not quizzing in their first language.

The other is FHRITP which apparently means “Fuck Her Right In The Pussy”.

The chap who handed this in at the Brass Monkey Leith explained the meaning of the abbreviation when I asked him and was amazed that I didn’t know what it stands for.

Apparently this is a “thing” on Youtube where people ruin the work of other people who are trying to conduct serious pieces to camera by shouting “Fuck Her Right In The Pussy”

Actually, a very brief youtube search confirms this:

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Get A Job

JOB – Guy called Dave who comes to the Cellar Monkey on Thursday night said last week he’s looking for a computing graduate.

Desperately.

If that’s you and you need a job, come along to the Cellar Monkey tomorrow and ask me to point out Dave to you.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.