Don’t Go To Easter Road Tonight



There’s football at Easter Road tonight but we anticipate no problems whatsoever as I hear ticket sales are slack.

No surprise when you consider the offering is a poor Scotland team seeking to eke out a thin win in a godforsaken “friendly” match against a flimsy Canadian side who literally don’t know how to play the game, seeing as how all their energy is taken up with maple syrup and ice hockey and mooses.

Obviously, the usual die-hard no-matter-what nationalists* with red beards and kilts and all that will attend and they may be joined by some of the Canadian students who live in the city, out of curiosity.

But the time the match is over on this freezing March night, these students will be cursing their curiosity, wondering where their money went, and questioning why anyone would ever make a fuss about “soccer”.

They’ll never attend live football again. Why? Because friendlies are rubbish. So don’t go to Easter Road. Come to the quiz instead.

Good jackpots tonight by the way: £150 in both boozers. Win big and feel it.

The cheat clue for the Joker is Monie Love. It’s in the music round and the song in question is this:

*I voted Yes last time before you get all mental about that sentence. I might not this time though. Genuine don’t know.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Thursday Night Pub Quizzes in Edinburgh, Your Favourite City.

ARGYLE BAR, 7PM – Jackpot: £60, Cheat: “Prince Harry

NEWSROOM, 9PM – Jackpot £100, Cheat: “Sir Mix-a-Lot” (see vid at bottom of post)

Tonight’s quizzes focus on the bilateral struggle of charity and capitalism and their varying efforts to make the world a better place.

No they don’t, it’s just about getting pissed and winning cash.

Young jackpot winner
Even young people can win the money despite their lack of knowledge about anything at all.

So the music round clue tonight  is for the Newsroom and it’s this amazing piece of old-skool bombast from Sir Mix-a_Lot, about whom I know little other than the fact that he likes big butts. You’ll recognise the hook.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

If You’re Going To Be A Twat, Get It Right

Look, I don’t mind people being verbal twats right in my face.

Whether such twats are wrong or (occasionally) right, I can handle that. It’s fine. I enjoy the interactivity.

But I dinnae like snakey wee jizzers who sneak their fraudulent biros onto my posters, especially when they are totally wrong.

false spelling claim
That IS how you spell ‘believe’, dipshit.

So if this was you, then you are at liberty to go and fuck yourself. Go fuck yourself right into a dictionary.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Hey. Did You Know That Leith Walk Is The Luckiest Street In Europe?

xxx— cheats tonight — ARONCHUPA and LUXEMBOURG xxx— cheats tonight —

Leith Walk? The luckiest street in Europe? It’s true. Some scientists measured the luck of people walking up and down Leith Walk and compared this with statistics from three hundred other streets in Edinburgh and a similar sample from eighty other cities around the world including Jakarta and Vienna.

Turns out that Leith Walk is luckier than anyone previously imagined. It’s the best. Just walking down it will make you luckier by eight per cent (average). Actually going to the boozer there will increase your spawn by seventeen per cent (average)*.


Brass Monkey Leith, 7pm

Jackpot: Tonight’s jackpot is £150

Cheat: One of the answers tonight is AronChupa, some modern-ish pop/dance from Sweden. You can see the video and hear the song at the bottom of this post.

Safari Lounge, 9pm

The amazing Safari Lounge is hidden away in Abbeyhill. I keep meeting people who go in there after walking past it for months and they always say “Aaah – it’s really great – I wish I’d popped in before.”

So, take it from them and while you’re at it, come to the quiz.

Jackpot: Tonight’s super jackpot is…

Cheat: The picture round contains the answer ‘Luxembourg

dpquiz winners
Quiz winners get a badge. Sometimes I forget to hand them out. Always ask.

This is your doctor speaking. Take my advice: be cool.


*remember that most of the shit I come up with on these blogs isnae even real.

x DP

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Sunday Gives and Never Takes

Sunday’s like your friend who brings you biscuits and coke when you are depressed. Sunday is nice.

The Persevere, 6pm

Easter Road is the location, the Percy is the venue and you can meet lots of local celebrities when you come to the quiz, such as The Plebs, Blue Fox Tuesday and The Chameleons.

Jackpot: The aforementioned Chameleons won the money last week, so we are back down to £30.

Cheat: The music round includes the B-52s performing ‘Rock Lobster’. First single I bought, as it happens. You can hear the song by clicking the video at the bottom of this post.

Tolbooth Tavern, 8pm

Halfway down the Canongate lurks the Tolbooth. If you can find it, you’ll enjoy it. Sunday smells like success.

Jackpot: Unusually, we have a bit of a rollover: it’s £90 tonight

Cheat: The picture round tonight includes the answer The Legend of Zelda. It’s something to do with computer games.

dr paul quiz winners edinburgh
Dr Paul quiz winners

So how about that video. Yes, it’s coming up in a second. I just want to first say how much I love the B-52s.

“I love the B-52s.”

There you go.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.


I did a one-off quiz for Napier University the other night. I got this email the next day:

Morning Paul

Just wanted to thank you for a fabulous evening.  Most certainly the best quiz night that I have been to.  Heard similar comments from many other people.  it was all pitched so well and was hugely entertaining.  Hopefully we will be back in touch for a similar event next year!.

thanks again




For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Thursday Night Quizzes And The Viability of The Jokes Round

We’ve had a run of jackpots on Thursday nights recently so I might be inclined to make the jackpot bastard-difficult tonight. We’ll see what happens, see what comes out of my randomiser…

The other thing, should we bring back the jokes round or is it always doomed to be shite?

vegetarian funeral joke

Meanwhile, here’s the shoop for tonight’s quizzes:

Argyle Bar (Cellar), 7pm

Jackpot: A scintillating, titillating £30. Hey.

Cheat: The quiz includes Man 2 Man & Man Parrish in the music round (see vid below), a massive 80s banger of Jurassic proportions.

Newsroom, 9pm

After the relative intellectual fervour of the Argyle, a fast cab whisks me off to the Newsroom where the transient and the drunk dominate the scene. As I’ve said before, if you ever want to actually win a quiz, just come to the Newsroom.

Jackpot: A quasi-terrific £50

Cheat: The quiz includes the answer Argentina, as part of the picture round.

Quiz winner
loads of money!

Here’s the video:

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The Midweek Squeak

Squeak like a mouse. Do it for daddy.

Tonight’s quizzes:

The Joker & The Thief, 7pm

Jackpot: A healthy, happy £120. Can you win it? Yes you can.

Cheat: Tonight’s quiz includes the answer Sicily, which crops up in the picture round. Now you know.

The Brass Monkey (Drummond Street), 9pm

Jackpot: In amongst the heaving youth, there will be £120 ready for the plucking. Turn up with half a brain and you’re halfway there. Like Jon Bon Jovi.

Cheat: The music round includes this clanking of slice of shite by Howard Jones, from what is known as my “youth”:

Not cool? Well, it’s all we had in 1984. That and the Eurythmics. I could never work out whether the Eurythmics were cool or arse. Bit of both, I suppose.

Here is a picture of someone winning at the quiz, hopefully this will inspire you to be like them!

quiz winners
Winners at the DP Quiz

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.