Pure Unrefined Mental Quiz Anger

This team have had enough. They just can’t take it any more. They are on what we used to call “The Edge”.

One Fucking Direciton

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Chess Is Similar To Risk (In Some Peoples’ Heads)

A classic bad answer. You know that one with the world map and the dice and the world conquest?

chess not risk

Yeah that’s right: Chess.

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Commonwealth Games, But Better

The other week I asked teams to come up with new events which might make the Glasgow Commonwealth Games (which is just a shit Olympics) more watchable. Here are some of the suggestions I received:

a_scan017 a_scan018 a_scan019If you can’t read them:

  1. Stabbing
  2. First One To Get To Greggs
  3. The Cripple Jump
  4. Quadraplegic Freestyle Masturbation
  5. Taps Aff Sauchiehall Street “Assault” Course
  6. Gardening / Best At Weeding
  7. 10 meter Muff Diving
  8. Shetland Pony Racing – One On Each Foot
  9. Up-hill Skateboarding
  10. Best Royal Insults
  11. Getting Back To Athletes Village On Bucky
  12. Wankathon
  13. Jousting On Pogo Sticks Plus 100 Metre Hurdle Finish

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We Were Kissing Through The Class War But Now I Can’t Even Remember Your Name

plebA wee story from the quiz the other night. Apparently when Allana was young, she went to when she was at Hutchy Grammar (posh school) and she had a boyfriend from nearby Pollokshaws Academy (not-posh).

This boy was called “Pleb”.

“I can’t remember his real name.” said Alana. “It was something like Dave – I don’t remember.”

If you’re reading this Dave* – there is at least one woman from your past who only remembers you as “Pleb”. How does that feel?

*(or whatever)

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When teams just give up

Sometimes the quiz just gets too difficult. This is what it looks like when a team gives up.

bad answer -  when teams give up

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Dead Pool August – Final List

So the Dead Pool jackpot stands at £3 million in scratchcards. Phenomenal.

Here’s the runners and riders for the reaper this month. The number in brackets is the number of quizgoers who have backed that person to be the most famous to die:

Prince Philip (19)
Rolf Harris (10)
Lindsay Lohan (7)
Billy Connolly (5)
Bruce Forsyth (4)
George Michael (3)
Ian Paisley (3)
Michael Schumacher (3)
Stephen Hawking (3)
The Queen (3)
Zsa Zsa Gabor (3)
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi (2)
Cher (2)
Courtney Love (2)
George HW Bush (2)
Harrison Ford (2)
John Cleese (2)
Justin Bieber (2)
Morgan Freeman (2)
Muhammed Ali (2)
Oscar Pistorius (2)
Rupert Murdoch (2)
Vera Lynn (2)
Al Pacino (1)
Alex Salmond (1)
Arseniy Yatsenyuk (1)
Baroness Butler-Sloss (1)
Benjamin Netanyahu (1)
Billy Graham (1)
Charles Kennedy (1)
Christopher Lee (1)
Daniel Radcliffe (1)
David Bowie (1)
David Coulthard (1)
Diana Ross (1)
Dick Van Dyke (1)
Elton John (1)
George H W Bush (1)
George Lucas (1)
George R R Martin (1)
Holly Willoughby (1)
Howard From The Halifax Adverts (1)
Ian McKellen (1)
Ian Watkins (1)
Joan Rivers (1)
Joaquin Phoenix (1)
John Travolta (1)
Judi Dench (1)
Leonardo di Caprio (1)
Macaulay Culkin (1)
Mel Brooks (1)
Michael Douglas (1)
Michael J Fox (1)
Michael McIntyre (1)
Nancy Reagan (1)
Nicholas Lyndhurst (1)
Nigel Farage (1)
Nouri al-Maliki (1)
Paul Gascoigne (1)
Paul McCartney (1)
Pete Doherty (1)
Richard Wilson (1)
Robert Duvall (1)
Sarah Jessica Parker (1)
Sean Connery (1)
Shia LaBeouf (1)
The King of Thailand (1)
Vladimir Putin (1)
Wilco Johnston (1)
Zac Effron (1)

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Terrible Answer Wins £100

singapore sapporoSo last night’s big money jackpot at the Persevere came down to the last multiple-choice question for £100:

Q: What does the name of the city ‘Singapore’ actually mean?

  • City of Monkeys
  • City of Lions
  • City of Dragons
  • City of Angels

A bloke called Dylan got it right and won £100 in sexy Scottish cash. Brilliant. Afterwards he told me has worked out the answer like this:

“Well I thought Singapore must be where they get Sapporo beer and I’m pretty sure there’s a lion on the Sapporo beer label.  So it must be ‘City of Lions’

As it happens, Sapporo beer is made 3693 miles away from Singapore, in Sapporo on the northern Japanese island of Hokkaido. Also, the Sapporo logo is a big golden star. As far as I can make out they’ve never used a lion.

So well done Dylan, it takes a special kind of genius to put two completely wrong things together to come up with the correct answer, and kind of appropriate given that the name of Singapore is probably a mistake anyway.

Incidentally, if you ever want to know how far it is from one place to another, I suggest this epic tool.

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Ballad Of A Failed Cheat

Nocheating1Brigid told me that in all her years going to pub quizzes she only ever attempted to cheat once.

The incident happened years ago, before the availability of Google on phones but after the invention of SMS.

Brigid decided that one question was too hard and that her mum would know. So, after a quick run round the moral maze she decided it was OK to text her mum the question, mentioning that it was for a pub quiz.

The return text came back swiftly. All it said was:

Don’t cheat“.

Quality parenting.

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Dead Pool Pundits Follow The News

howard halifaxThere are still a couple of weeks to go to get your names in for the August Dead Pool. The following is a list of names so far.

The most notable movers so far this month is former-family-favourite Rolf Harris, whose recent guilty conviction and subsequent reported suicide-watch in jail have led 5 quizgoers to back an August demise. This compares to one vote for July.

Another newsmaker who Edinburgh quizgoers are backing to die is the absolute theocratic monarch of the newly proclaimed Islamic state, Abu Bakr al-Bagdhadi. The ISIS leader is a new entry and has two backers so far.

My favourite so far this month is “Howard from The Halifax Adverts“. Bloody hell. You never know.

By the way, if you’re reading this and thinking, “where’s mine” – I only load up the slips I get which have a LEGIBLE email address. Others go in the bin, ken?

 

August Dead Pool So Far (number in brackets = current number of backers)

Prince Philip (5)
Rolf Harris (5)
Abu Bakr al-Baghdadi (2)
Alex Salmond (1)
Baroness Butler-Sloss (1)
Bruce Forsyth (1)
Courtney Love (1)
Daniel Radcliffe (1)
David Luiz (1)
Elton John (1)
George Lucas (1)
George R R Martin (1)
Holly Willoughby (1)
Howard From The Halifax Adverts (1)
Ian Paisley (1)
Joaquin Phoenix (1)
Judi Dench (1)
Lady Gaga (1)
Lindsay Lohan (1)
Michael J Fox (1)
Michael Schumacher (1)
Muhammed Ali (1)
Nigel Farage (1)
Nouri al-Maliki (1)
Oscar Pistorius (1)
Paul McCartney (1)
Pete Doherty (1)
Roger Moore (1)
Sarah Jessica Parker (1)
Sean Connery (1)
Shia LaBeouf (1)
The King of Thailand (1)
The Queen (1)
Wilco Johnston (1)
William Shatner (1)

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One Quiz Only Tonight

The World Cuhoff colours germany ballp interferes with life tonight and so there is only one quiz:

6pm Persevere

Jackpot: £60

Cheat phrase: “THE HAMMER’S GONNA MAKE YOU DIE”

The 9pm quiz at the No.1 Grange Road will return next Sunday as life returns to normal.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.