The Suffering Of The People of Syria continues

Ruridgh and his team have decided to dedicate all cash won at the quiz to saving lives in Syria. Since this decision, they have appeared at one quiz (the The Brass Monkey, two days ago~) and were narrowly unsuccessful in winning £20.

Here’s there oh-so-close 4-out-of-5 in the final round the other night. If only they’d gone for an Imperial Ton instead of a Metric Ton!

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Crimea River. Ukrainian Mishap Situation Solved by Local Pub Quiz Teams

I asked teams to solve the Russia – Ukraine crisis in 15 words or less. Here are the plans they came up with:

  1. Get Putin and Yanukovych together and have a wank-off. After one fails, Bukkake them.
  2. “Put-in” for EU Membership
  3. Drink your Molotov Cocktails. Have a nap and then enjoy the Spring.
  4. Robocop.
  5. Jack Bauer.
  6. Send in Chhuck Norris to give them all roundhouse kicks to the face.
  7. Give them all a hot chocolate and tell them to talk about it.
  8. Rock, Paper, Scissors
  9. Chernobyl 2: Nuke The Bastards
  10. Russian Spetsnaz led by topless Putin with bazooka (or saline).
  11. Send in the best strict teachers to tell off everyone with phrases like “That is Unacceptable behaviour”, “hands to yourself”, and “you wouldn’t like it if he did that to you.”
  12. The Light Brigade
  13. Send David Cameron and Alex Salmond
  14. Pinot Grigio
  15. A boxing match between Putin and Klitschko

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Art & Thickrature

I recently asked a question in the all-the-same-letter where the letter was already clearly “D”.
The question was “What is the title of Boris Pasternak’s mmost famous book.
Guesses included: Dante’s Peak, Deer Hunter, Dead Man, Don Juan, Harry Potter. You thickos.

Bad Answer – Julius Caesar

The question, granted, was difficult:

Give any year in which Julius Caesar was alive

But I expected and (mainly) got answers hovering around the BC/AD nominal era cut-off point.

But one team did write:

1610 (AD)

Which would mean that William Shakespeare was writing about a contemporary rather than a distant historical figure from ANCIENT Rome.

Blimey.

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Kris Akabusi and Nightshade… In Wick

I heard a tremendous story at the weekend.

Apparently, back in the day (1992-ish), the Alliance & Leicester cash machine in Wick was opened by Kris Akabusi and Nightshade.

You can imagine what an effect this would have had on Wick town centre.

The person who told me the story was, at the time, training a blind person to use a long white stick and somehow had to explain to them what all the noise and fuss was about.

Imagine going all the way to Wick just to open a cash machine. I wonder if Akabusi and Shade dealt with the misery by having uncontrollable celebrity sex in a rotten wee room the Peat-Cutters Arms that very night?

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Happy Fourteen

Random search on Google Images for “Tres Bien” brought up this image. Blimey.

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The New Scottish National Anthem

scotlandI offered an extra prize the other night at the Brass Monkey Leith for the team who could make the best suggestion for a new national anthem if Scotland votes for independence next year.

Here are the suggestions I received:

  • “Ooh Stick You” by Daphene & Celeste
  • “God Save Our Susan Boyle”
  • The “Game of Thrones” theme
  • “I Dreamed a Dream” by Susan Boyle
  • “I Think We’re Alone Now” by Tiffany
  • “Flower of Scotland”

another team offered lyrics, thus:

“Her majesty the Queen
Shops at Burtons
From the top of Ben Nevis
We can smell her beef curtains”

while another team offered this:

“Another Pint, The Weather’s Shite,
Everything Will Be Alright”

What does this say about us? I have no idea but Susan Boyle looms large in proceedings. Perhaps one day she will rule us all.

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Tipping Point Looking For Contestants

I only saw ITV’s Tipping Point for the first time two days ago, which is co-incidentally when an email dropped in saying that they are looking for contestants for series 4. So if you fancy it, go for it.

The press release says:

“We are searching for fun, confident, outgoing people who want the chance to win thousands of pounds using a combination of skill, judgement and chance. To apply for the show, please e-mail apply@rdftelevision.com

-fill in the application form and send it straight back to us.

Good Luck!

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Wedding Bells

Dr Paul impresses the bride and groom with quiz mmayhemHey – I did I wedding on Saturday which was a big hit. “That was brilliant – you really made the day!” said Louise the bride and obviously she was being nice but it was a lot of fun.

A lot of folk have said they can’t imagine how a quiz fits into a wedding party but it does, and does so quite nicely. Just after the food – everyone is still too blubbered to start dancing and on SOME of the tables the conversation MAY have run dry.

enter the quiz – gets everyone talking, everyone having fun without having to get up yet. Perfect! By the time my hour has come and gone, everyone’s re-charged and ready for the evening’s entertainment. Yeah!

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Quizzers Brag Off

Boring, boring brag off the other week. I asked pub quizzers, as a side-contest, to write down the best thing they had ever done.

Look at these rotten brags:

  • I performed on stage at Carnegie Hall in New York, Mozart’s Requiem Mass.
  • Thrown out of 1st class on a flight by Gary Rhodes for being a drunken idiot.
  • Went to Edinburgh Zoo, was stung by a bee escaping from a rampaging cow and fell into the shark tank.
  • Played a live swan like a guitar at the pond next to Arthur’s seat. I regret nothing.
  • I have, twice in six days, paid a taxi driver to clean up my sick. I appeared in court the next day both times. As a solicitor.
  • Sky dive for teenagers dying of cancer.
  • I won Tough Mudder.
  • Won gold for my country at world championships.
  • I’ve met the Queen, John Cleese, Ant & Dec, and Rowan Atkinson. Emili Sande offered to buy me a drink. I saved my company £3 million – seriously (that’s my job). Alan Shearer is my  nemesis. My life is Awesome.
  • Helped hundreds of people through the “Bedroom Tax” debacle. (Without us they wouldnae hae their hooses).
  • Trekked the Himalayas.

To be fair the one about the swan is cool. And it was the winner.

But all the “I am brilliant” stuff? Get tae.

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