“You’re not very sporty, are you?” said Darren last night, referring to some comment or two that I’d made about the awful terrible=ness of golf.
Darren felt a bit slighted because he plays a lot of golf. Well, playing it is one thing but I cannae understand why people would watch it on television.
And I know you’re dying to hear this, so give you the benefit of my extended sporting wisdom, here are the world’s five worst sports to watch on TV:
ICE HOCKEY
Puck too small. Can’t see what the hell is going on. Fans say they love the fights, which reveals a lot about the quality of the actual sport.
ARCHERY
My god. I remember seeing five minutes of this when the Olympics was on. Mind-numbing in their accuracy, but with none of the verve and swagger of darts. The bow and arrow kit costs about ten grand. And they don’t even have to dot around the board for trebles, doubles, finishes. It’s just the bullseye, Every single time. Middle class pish.
AMERICAN FOOTBALL
Essentially a decent game but <ADVERT> you can’t <ADVERT> concentrate or really <ADVERT> follow it because <ADVERT> of the <ADVERT> interruptions.
GOLF
Goes on for four days and at the end it’s just one bloke wearing trousers or a different bloke wearing trousers winning more money in a weekend than you or I earn in ten years. I remember looking up the order of merit when I was writing questions and discovered that you had to go down to something like the 122nd-ranked player before you found a golfer that made less that $1 million a year.
FORMULA ONE
As David Mitchell perfectly described it: “Televised Traffic”. Utter depression. Normal cars are bad enough and then this palaver. Also: a horrible noise.
Anyway, if you’re a fan of these sports come along to the quiz and challenge my prejudices.
Tonight’s line-up:
7pm – Brass Monkey Leith Walk (with me)
Jackpot – £50
Free answer – MUSIC round: “ZZ TOP“
Book: 0131 554 5286 or Facebook or the Monkey’s online booking system
7.30 pm – Fisherrow Tap (with Brigid)
Jackpot – £30
Free answer – PICTURE round: “SIMONE BILES“
Book: 0131 259 0399 or Facebook
8pm – Amber Rose (with Stewart)
Jackpot – £50
Free answer: PICTURE round : “THUNDERBALL“
Book: 0131 226 1224 or Facebook
9pm – Brass Monkey Drummond St (with me)
Jackpot – £50
Free answer – PICTURE round: “AUDREY HEPBURN“
Book – Nae bookings – just turn up. For info call the pub on 031 556 1961
With quiz and love,
Dr Paul
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