I asked teams to solve the Russia – Ukraine crisis in 15 words or less. Here are the plans they came up with:

1. Get Putin and Yanukovych together and have a wank-off. After one fails, Bukkake them.
2. “Put-in” for EU Membership
3. Drink your Molotov Cocktails. Have a nap and then enjoy the Spring.
4. Robocop.
5. Jack Bauer.
6. Send in Chhuck Norris to give them all roundhouse kicks to the face.
7. Give them all a hot chocolate and tell them to talk about it.
8. Rock, Paper, Scissors
9. Chernobyl 2: Nuke The Bastards
10. Russian Spetsnaz led by topless Putin with bazooka (or saline).
11. Send in the best strict teachers to tell off everyone with phrases like “That is Unacceptable behaviour”, “hands to yourself”, and “you wouldn’t like it if he did that to you.”
12. The Light Brigade
13. Send David Cameron and Alex Salmond
14. Pinot Grigio
15. A boxing match between Putin and Klitschko