The best line I ever heard about the Olympics was from Bill Murray a few years ago when he posted that the each Olympic event should include a regular person, “for reference”.
This is a tremendous idea.
When all those fast guys run down the track, you look at the fella who comes eighth and you think “that guy is rubbish”
But the fact is, he’s the eighth-fastest man in the world, out of eight billion humans. This poor bloke who is made to look rubbish is actually a billion-to-one mega athlete. And they make him look like shit by running him against the only seven people on Earth who are faster. It’s rough justice.
So to remind us that the guy who finishes last is actually a superhuman, we should have someone like you or me in lane nine. Then we’d see the difference.
Each basketball team should include one player who has never played the game and is of average height.
Every synchronised swimming* session should include two minutes of near-drowning and total artistic ineptitude from a team of eight women who have only just met and can more-or-less swim.
*(now “artistic swimming”).
The diving should include some terrified fat guy plummeting from the ten-metre board in abject terror after spending twenty minutes holding up the contest by cowering on the board, just plucking up the courage for his jump.
Watchable, sponsors, content. Tick, tick, tick.
Anyway, come and compete with people of similar abilities at the quizzes tonight:
6.30 pm – Porty Tap (with Isla)
Jackpot – £30
Free answer – PICTURE round: “BAMBOO“
Book: 0131 629 6266 or Facebook
8 pm – Waverley Bar (with Bonni)
Jackpot – £90
Free answer – PICTURE round: “FOOLS’ GOLD“
Book: 0131 557 9855 or Facebook
9 pm – Safari Lounge (with me)
Jackpot – £60
Free answer: MUSIC round: “BRITNEY SPEARS“
Book: 0131 661 4741 or Facebook
With quiz and love,
Dr Paul
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