We had an abortive bonus round at the Brass Monkey the other night when no one could think of three or more songs with a vegetable in the title.

I was surprised by a couple of teams who mentioned ‘Broccoli’ by McFly.

I really wanted to hear a boy band opus on the subject of Brassica Oleracea but I’ve just listened and it turns out its a song from a boy’s perspective and he’s not sure if the girl likes him.

The only brocolli in the song is one mention in the first verse where McFly is in the kitchen cooking dinner (including brocolli) for the girl but she never ends up coming round. Sadz.

Meanwhile, the bonus round only got finished when I widened out the criteria to include fruit. That’s the way it goes sometimes.

Going back to the original question, it is of course bloody hard. Artists seem a lot happier to write songs about fruit. I guess its sexier.

Even with the combined help of everyhit.com and Spotify, this list took a wee while, but here’s how you could have won:

1. Green Onions by Booker T & The MGs
2. The Onion Song by Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell
3. Charlie Big Potato by Skunk Anansie
4. Potato Head Blues by Louis Armstrong
5. Carrot Rope by Pavement
6. Gather In The Mushrooms by Benny Hill
7. Chestnut Mare by The Byrds
8. Nut Rocker by B Bumble & The Stingers
9. Carrot Cake & Wine by The Stereophonics
10. Vodka & Garlic by Rotfront

I’d never heard of a few of these. The last one is terrific:

And before someone starts busting their chops that nuts aren’t vegetables: I KNOW, I KNOW, I KNOW.

They’re legumes.

But in this case rule six applies: i.e.: For Fucks Sake, let’s not be too anal about this. It’s just a pub quiz.