A sharp blade to the neck. You can only dodge the blade by escaping from your house or flat. You must go to the pub. This is known by the wise.

7pm – Brass Monkey Leith. Jackpot: £50. Cheat: Old Henry Mancini is in the music round tonight. See video to hear the song. You’ll know it.

9pm – Safari Lounge. Jackpot £30. Cheat: The picture round includes Natalie Portman.

Natalie Portman? Remember her? She was dead dead dead famous cos of Star Wars. That got in The Metro cos it was Star Wars.

Then it was a bit quiet then it was Black Swan which also got in the Metro because it was about lesbians or it had lesbians in it, or something. So that’s always money in the bank.

A quick read of Portman’s Wiki reveals other interesting stuff though. Did you know that she launched her own range of vegan footwear in 2007?

No, me neither.

Vegan footwear. How about that? You can keep the pavement out of your foot and a cow does not have to die. Fucking amazing. Go on yourself, Natalie.

Oh no! I’ve just read that the vegan shoe operation went bust shortly afterwards.

What about after that? I don’t know. I have now lost interest so if you want to know any more…