Boring, boring brag off the other week. I asked pub quizzers, as a side-contest, to write down the best thing they had ever done.
Look at these rotten brags:
- I performed on stage at Carnegie Hall in New York, Mozart’s Requiem Mass.
- Thrown out of 1st class on a flight by Gary Rhodes for being a drunken idiot.
- Went to Edinburgh Zoo, was stung by a bee escaping from a rampaging cow and fell into the shark tank.
- Played a live swan like a guitar at the pond next to Arthur’s seat. I regret nothing.
- I have, twice in six days, paid a taxi driver to clean up my sick. I appeared in court the next day both times. As a solicitor.
- Sky dive for teenagers dying of cancer.
- I won Tough Mudder.
- Won gold for my country at world championships.
- I’ve met the Queen, John Cleese, Ant & Dec, and Rowan Atkinson. Emili Sande offered to buy me a drink. I saved my company £3 million – seriously (that’s my job). Alan Shearer is my nemesis. My life is Awesome.
- Helped hundreds of people through the “Bedroom Tax” debacle. (Without us they wouldnae hae their hooses).
- Trekked the Himalayas.
To be fair the one about the swan is cool. And it was the winner.
But all the “I am brilliant” stuff? Get tae.
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