Tag Archives: valentine’s day love

Roses Are Red…

It was Valentine’s Day last night (at both quizzes).

Valentine’s is always a weird night. There are couples who never go out with each other and have no idea what to do. They are awkward.

Some of the groups of single people are awkward. Awkwardness hangs in the air like Lynx Africa.

This was more true at the Newsroom, being a city centre venue. The Argyle was quieter as the romantic pairs were probably all in Salvatore’s instead. We’ll never know. It was certainly more relaxed and that’s why I went for the ROSES ARE RED contest there.
Simple instructions: write a four line poem where the first line is “Roses are red”.

Here are the results.



Roses are red

Violets are too

I’m Colourblind

And fucking hate poetry.


Roses are red

Violets are blue

I have a knife

Get in the van


Roses are red

Love is dead

Maddy McCann’s skin

Covers my shed.


Roses are red,

May is absurd.

They want to leave the EU,

But you can’t polish a turd.


Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Poetry is dead,

And so are U2.



Roses are red

My baws are blue.

My gooch is broken,

My sex life is too.



There you go. These works were all written in the space of a few minutes. See how easy it goes? You too can be a great artsit.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Wednesday Night – Valentine’s Eve

Quizzes tonight:

7pm – The Joker & The Thief. Jackpot £30. Cheat: Marc Chagall (pic round)

9pm – Brass Monkey, Drummond Street. Jackpot £30 Cheat: The Chi-Lites (music round)

It’s half-term. Kids are everywhere. There’s only one way to escape them and that’s to come to the pub, get wasted on booze and do the quiz.

Here’s tonight’s music round cheat-o which is for the Brass Monkey at 9 o clock:

This is the best of all possible hair and the sweetest of sad soul.

This is the 1970s, a time and a place which is barred to us. Time travel is not real – youtube is as close as we can get.

There are a set of break-up records from the mid-seventies where you really feel for the guy singing.

As a child, these sad-story soul songs are some of the first pop records I can remember hearing and I believed that every word was true and related personally to the singer.

I used to feel so sorry for them, until I realised pop was poetic license and only quizzes were the truth.

I’m talking about records like Sylvia’s Mother and There Goes My First Love.

Pure weep.

Anyway – you’ll be weeping tonight if you miss the quiz. Also, with one day to Valentine’s – maybe tonight is the night you will meet the human of your dreams. All you have to do is be bright and witty at the quiz. It’s like a magnet.


Dr P

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George Best, when he played for Hibs
George Best, when he played for Hibs



For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.