Tag Archives: drawing contest

Drawing Contest – Art McPartlin Pished On A Scooter

Recent drawing contest entries from the Joker on a Wednesday night:

The challenge followed the Ant McPartlin drink drive debacle and you had to draw the former idol, stripped of his license and reduced to riding a scooter, pished, down Leith Walk.

Some folk took that mean a motor scooter. I kind of meant a scooter scooter.


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Drawing Contest – Seals

My daughter loves seals so she asked me to ask you lot to draw seals if I was having a drawing contest. I did this a few times. Here are some of my favourite

The tusks make it a walrus, but its a good drawing.
Pop techno seal
The Kiss From A Rose joke
The only entry with a pun AND a skateboard
Looks like a ghost. Quality.
Like the kind of seal painting a caveperson would make (if they had never seen a seal and had no talent at all.)
Use of Colour!
Royal seal
Nice attitude and nice bucket of fish.
So cute
Professional Validation
The Kiss From a Rose joke (agian)
He died for us.

From Fez-wearing trickster, to actual Jesus, seals have got it all.


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The Queen, Doing Something Bad



The Queen is the longest reigning monarch. That was established last month and I even had a drawing contest that was kind of a tribute.

This drawing contest happened in the same week but had a different theme. The idea is that the coverage of the Queen is officially that she is brilliant. But let’s face it, none of us is perfect. Surely the Queen must have done SOMETHING bad in her three hundred years of captivity?

Draw that happening.

1. Internet Piracy

the queen doing something bad (4)


The Queen here is using piratebay to circumvent paying for her movie fix. Bad Queen (with a massive cock and balls and a lizard tongue).

2. E4 to B7


the queen doing something bad (5)The Queen is the most powerful piece in chess. But even she cannae move from E4 to B7. No one can. Not Chuck Norris. Not David Hasselhoff. Not even Dougie Donnelly.

3. Child Abuse

the queen doing something bad (7)Here’s the Queen, accidentally-on-purpose smashing a champagne magnum off a child’s head instead of the big iron ship she’s supposed to be launching. This may have happened.

4. Still Bad in 2015

the queen doing something bad (8)It was the Queen who killed Cecil the Lion and it was The Queen who stood on Aylan Kurdi’s head and made him drown. That’s the vision of this contributor anyway, who had enough guilt to write “I am appalled that I drew this”.

5. Fast Food Murder

the queen doing something bad (10)The Queen shooting the KFC chicken. Seems a reasonable use of power, to be fair.

6. Humping Scotland Right Up The Stranraer

the queen doing something bad (1)Stuart handed this in himself after his team banned him from handing it in on behalf of them. But it won the contest anyway. The Queen is  shown as a massive lizard, fucking Scotland right in the arse (Stranraer).

8. Paris

the queen doing something bad (2)1997: The streets of Paris, a swan on her head, Diana last moments in front of her and an orphan being dragged to its death on a rope behind. Queen loving it, and having a drink.

9. Actual Murder

the queen doing something bad (3)Similar story, one of the more realistic renderings.

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This Is How We Feel About The Queen

Last week Britain was temporarily interested in the monarchy as #longestreign became a Twitter hashtag and Elizabeth celebrated coming out from the correct fanny and then having an appropriate vacancy open up through abdication and death, meaning that she has become the de facto head of a particular country of about 60 million people for longer than anyone else has been de facto head of that particular country. Hoo fucking rah.

Anyway, to “celebrate” I asked teams to make a portrait of the Queen. Here are some of the results:

QUEEN PORTRAIT B SHARPSI liked this a lot. It looks exactly like Mutha Bacon out of Biffa Bacon out of Viz.

QUEEN PORTRAIT BEARDY MANI kind of ignored this at the time but now I’m thinking it should have won. It’s like the Elephant Man has been flattened by a milk float. It would make a great stamp.


QUEEN PORTRAIT JACKIE CHANThis was one of the “proper drawing” efforts. Aye not bad.


QUEEN PORTRAIT MATT THE CATA dark image from a dark mind

QUEEN PORTRAIT THREE SISTERSAnother “proper drawing” effort but this one has more charm, I would say.




QUEEN PORTRIATShocking deathbed scene lays waste to any meaning Prince Charles may have enjoyed during his life.


QUEEN TEAM CLAIREThis came from a foreign team. I guess this is how they see her abroad… kind of like a lady version of Harold Bishop.


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Celebrity Smoker Drawing Contest

One day I found 10 Lambert and Butler on the bus, all wrapped up in the cellophane and everything.

I don’t smoke these days, so I set a fag-contest challenge at Reverie the other night.

To win the snouts, you had to draw a celebrity having a fag. The prize would go to the one that I could guess but was least obvious. Here are the entries. See if you can guess who they are. Answers at bottom.

1. This one was too obvious to win, but I like it:

2. The next was just over the line: I couldn’t work out who it was

3. Another pretty obvious one:

4. I thought this was Jean Claude van Damme but that’s incorrect apparently and that’s why this one didn’t win:

5. A fairly obvious one for anybody Scottish:

6. This one is a belter, the artist has really captured the subject’s personalities’:

7. Another obvious one, but it was never going to win because they’ve made the most intelligent man in the world look like David Vine:

8. The last one is the winner: everyone’s favourite pop star. Not too obvious but superb bonus spacehopper. Artist Toby won the 10 x Lambert & Butler and he’s probably smoked the lot by now:


  1. The Queen
  2. Oprah Winfrey
  3. Jesus
  4. Gordon Ramsay
  5. Craig David
  6. Jedward
  7. Stephen Hawking
  8. Craig Mutha Fuckin David, Y’All

If you liked those, you’ll love the Craig David drawing contest from last October

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Lab-Con Coalition Drawing Contest

Following the success of our last drawing contest, it was becoming high time we had another.

So, the challenge at the Newsroom quiz on Thursday was for teams to draw a picture of EITHER David Cameron riding a tiger OR Nick Clegg being sucked off by a peacock.

Here are the results, starting with the one that was “utter shit” according to the judges (three quite-pissed birds sitting nearby.)

"I like the cock."

The next showed a lot of promise and skill – particularly the scary eyes of the tiger and the top class David Cameron = Penis joke!

cock joke
cock joke

No one really knows how to draw Nick Clegg cos he’s so anonymous. Although, at least if he’s in profile you can see his tremendous cock!

clegg and peacock
Nick Clegg and a peacock

The next was by a team called MIASMA COALITION and they seemed to have captured Clegg’s square-faced anonymity quite nicely:

Nick Clegg and Peacock
Nick Clegg and Peacock

The judges really hated the next one. They said it “looks like a pubic wig”

Nick Clegg and a Peacock
Nick Clegg and a Peacock

The next mob drew David Cameron being a twat. Fine concept and a nice design but the judges were having none of it.

David Cameron riding a tiger
David Cameron riding a tiger

The ultimate winner was this effort from INSERT FUNNY TEAM NAME which uses the same Cameron = Cock joke as above, but in nicer colours, and more lurid detail.

David Cameron riding a tiger
David Cameron riding a tiger

Who is your winner?

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