The Queen is the longest reigning monarch. That was established last month and I even had a drawing contest that was kind of a tribute.
This drawing contest happened in the same week but had a different theme. The idea is that the coverage of the Queen is officially that she is brilliant. But let’s face it, none of us is perfect. Surely the Queen must have done SOMETHING bad in her three hundred years of captivity?
Draw that happening.
1. Internet Piracy
The Queen here is using piratebay to circumvent paying for her movie fix. Bad Queen (with a massive cock and balls and a lizard tongue).
2. E4 to B7
The Queen is the most powerful piece in chess. But even she cannae move from E4 to B7. No one can. Not Chuck Norris. Not David Hasselhoff. Not even Dougie Donnelly.
3. Child Abuse
Here’s the Queen, accidentally-on-purpose smashing a champagne magnum off a child’s head instead of the big iron ship she’s supposed to be launching. This may have happened.
4. Still Bad in 2015
It was the Queen who killed Cecil the Lion and it was The Queen who stood on Aylan Kurdi’s head and made him drown. That’s the vision of this contributor anyway, who had enough guilt to write “I am appalled that I drew this”.
5. Fast Food Murder
The Queen shooting the KFC chicken. Seems a reasonable use of power, to be fair.
6. Humping Scotland Right Up The Stranraer
Stuart handed this in himself after his team banned him from handing it in on behalf of them. But it won the contest anyway. The Queen is shown as a massive lizard, fucking Scotland right in the arse (Stranraer).
1997: The streets of Paris, a swan on her head, Diana last moments in front of her and an orphan being dragged to its death on a rope behind. Queen loving it, and having a drink.
9. Actual Murder
Similar story, one of the more realistic renderings.
Last week Britain was temporarily interested in the monarchy as #longestreign became a Twitter hashtag and Elizabeth celebrated coming out from the correct fanny and then having an appropriate vacancy open up through abdication and death, meaning that she has become the de facto head of a particular country of about 60 million people for longer than anyone else has been de facto head of that particular country. Hoo fucking rah.
Anyway, to “celebrate” I asked teams to make a portrait of the Queen. Here are some of the results:
I liked this a lot. It looks exactly like Mutha Bacon out of Biffa Bacon out of Viz.
I kind of ignored this at the time but now I’m thinking it should have won. It’s like the Elephant Man has been flattened by a milk float. It would make a great stamp.
This was one of the “proper drawing” efforts. Aye not bad.
A dark image from a dark mind
Another “proper drawing” effort but this one has more charm, I would say.
The Queen is a dog.
Shocking deathbed scene lays waste to any meaning Prince Charles may have enjoyed during his life.
This came from a foreign team. I guess this is how they see her abroad… kind of like a lady version of Harold Bishop.
One day I found 10 Lambert and Butler on the bus, all wrapped up in the cellophane and everything.
I don’t smoke these days, so I set a fag-contest challenge at Reverie the other night.
To win the snouts, you had to draw a celebrity having a fag. The prize would go to the one that I could guess but was least obvious. Here are the entries. See if you can guess who they are. Answers at bottom.
1. This one was too obvious to win, but I like it:
2. The next was just over the line: I couldn’t work out who it was
3. Another pretty obvious one:
4. I thought this was Jean Claude van Damme but that’s incorrect apparently and that’s why this one didn’t win:
5. A fairly obvious one for anybody Scottish:
6. This one is a belter, the artist has really captured the subject’s personalities’:
7. Another obvious one, but it was never going to win because they’ve made the most intelligent man in the world look like David Vine:
8. The last one is the winner: everyone’s favourite pop star. Not too obvious but superb bonus spacehopper. Artist Toby won the 10 x Lambert & Butler and he’s probably smoked the lot by now:
American-Scottish team INSERT FUNNY TEAM NAME HERE started the quiz disastrously but came back strong and were soon dominating the situation.
In the end they won by 10 points. Hoopla!
Also – they collected a WINNING scratchcard and so took a £1 for that. However, they weren’t so lucky with the real cash. After all teams had failed to come to terms with the challenge, our winners got a straight shot at the cash with the following Riddle of The Beast:
Who is Phil Collins’s favourite serial killer or killers?
A. Yorkshire Ripper
B. Jack The Ripper
C. The Moors Murderers
D. Bible John
They got it wrong so we’re playing for £30 next week. Would you have known?
Meanwhile, the highlight of the quiz was quite possibly the drawing contest in which teams were invited to draw a picture of EITHER David Cameron riding a tiger OR Nick Clegg being orally pleasured by a peacock.
Monday at the Reverie saw another drawing contest instead of the old jokes round.
This time the challenge was to draw a dinosaur with a job.
Here’s what we got:
This nearly won. It’s a brontosaurus working in a pub, serving a very drunk T-Rex and was handed in by QUIZ TEAM AGUILERA
This was by PEDRO ALANIA and I thought it was pretty good – a cleaner dinosaur. Another close contender.
this was the dserved winner, excellent use of colour and I particularly like how the children are plainly terrified by their very protector. A huge and deadly T Rex is a great choice to be a lollipop lady. Nice hiring, the council.
This one is paeleontologist dinosaur. Ironic as fuck. Not a winner.
The team that won had this as back up. It could have won on its own.
This was the entry from Easy Lionel. Not bad but maybe not enough bling.
And I liked this but the judge (Mark) was having none of it.
Sorry to some of the others – I managed to lose the kissogram one and the builder one and maybe a few others but take it easy, eh? It’s just the quiz!