Tag Archives: cunto

This Wednesday We Have Together Won’t Last Forever

Quizzes tonight:

7pm – The Joker & The Thief. Jackpot £30. Cheat: Roxy Music (music round)

9pm – Brass Monkey, Drummond Street. Quiz is off during the festival – Jackpot will be £120 when we start back in September

Today never lasts forever. In fact- it’s already after #popmaster (but still before lunch).

Mind you, that’s at the time of writing. The moment you read this could be completely different. It could be October the sixth in the year five thousand. Can anything exist then?

Anyway – the future of civilization isn’t one of the topics at the quiz tonight, so you can relax about that.

Let me tell you though, there is a hit super duper song in the music round by Roddy’s favourite band ever, Dire Straits. It sounds like this:

It is believed to be the only pop video in history to feature synchronised swimming and a copy of the Financial Times in the same swimming pool.

Have you seen anything good at the festival? No. That’s cos it’s all a bag of shite. Make sure you come to the quiz instead.

x

Also, if you’re still lacking, Cunto cards ,, you can get a deck off of me tonight. I usually have two or three packets with me at the quiz.

You can also get them online

You can also follow Cunto on youtube. This is the first of many Cunto videos:

Yo!

Dr P

 

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Wednesday Pub Quiz – Crying Gets You Nowhere

Quizzes tonight:

7pm – The Joker & The Thief. Jackpot £30. Cheat: Rufus Wainwright (pic round)

9pm – Brass Monkey, Drummond Street. Jackpot £60 Cheat: No Doubt (music round)

This time last week, England could still win the world cup. Today all we have is pub quiz team names like this:

Gareth Southgate's Tear Stained Waistcoat
Gareth Southgate’s Tear Stained Waistcoat

Crying gets you nowhere.

This also applies to protest. Last weekend’s anti-Trump stuff may have been amusing in a rattle-your-jewellery kind of a way, but it was essentially bleating.

Note to demonstrators – No one will take your protest seriously unless you smash things up. Making puns = zero change.

This has nothing to do with the quiz, it’s just my tuppenceworth.

More related to your chances of quiz success: here is a clip from tonight’s music round at the Brass Monkey Drummond Street:

I’ve heard this so many times that it gets samey, but just watching the video reminds me what a good song it is.

I remember when it came out, it was number one for ninety weeks and everyone was talking about how it was a breakup song between singer Gwen Stefani and the bass player. Pure Fleetwood Mac.

Anyway, world cup is over and No Doubt was the nineties. Come and experience modern times in the pub tonight. With the quiz

And, if you’re looking for the kind of foul-mouthed treat that only a theraputic hit like Cunto Cards can provide, I will have a couple of decks with me tonight. Stop me and buy one…

Cunto Cards
caaaahhhnts

 

Yo!

Dr P

 

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

No World Cup – Come To The Quiz

Quizzes tonight:

7pm – The Joker & The Thief. Jackpot £60. Cheat: Red (pic round)

9pm – Brass Monkey, Drummond Street. Jackpot £150 Cheat: Lily Allen (music round)

The World Cup is great and everything but it goes on a bit. Thankfully there is a couple of days break so we can get on with our lives in the interim.

And by “get on without lives” I mean – come to the quiz.

£60 and £150 are the prizes tonight. Here’s a sneak look at one of the music round answers for the Brass Monkey (Drummond Street) tonight:

The song is trying hard to be provocative, different and original and controversial but music-wise it’s poor. I’d rather listen to Queen or James Last.

I just read her Wikipedia page to try and find something nice to say about her as balance but to be honest its mainly a litany of minor rows.

Let’s talk about Holland instead.

The correct term is ‘The Netherlands‘ although, in a pub quiz setting, your quizmaster should usually accept ‘Holland‘ as a perfectly acceptable alternative answer.

The point is that he should know what you meant.

This is the case at Dr Paul quiz. If you spell something wrong or get something slightly wrong but I know what you meant, you’ll usually get the points. (See rules)

It is my humble effort not to be a cunt.

Sometimes we all fail.

Cunto Cards
caaaahhhnts

Incidentally Cunto Cards are back in stock and I will have a few decks with me tonight if you’re looking for a pack.

Yo!

Dr P

 

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Mega Wednesday For Mega People

Quizzes tonight:

7pm – The Joker & The Thief. Jackpot £60. Cheat: AC Milan (pic round)

9pm – Brass Monkey, Drummond Street. Jackpot £60 Cheat: Rascal Flatts (music round)

Here’s the music round cheat for the Monkey:

God it’s fucking awful.

It’s modern country music which equals = sentimentality multiplied by patriotism and raised to the power of schmaltz.

The youtube comments are full of people who have “lost people” to cancer etc. If you like reading shit like “Take A Break” and “Love It!” magazine, you’ll gorge on these comments like a gannet eating a discarded fish supper at North Berwick.

I understand it, but personally it makes me feel like killing myself by jumping into a vat of Golden Syrup.

Luckily, being a music round clip, the pain of this audio-diabetes will be limited to around one twenty-second clip. Twice.

Actually, three times if you count the bit where I do the answers but usually I’m talking at that point so the glucose will be thinned out with my horrific cynicism.

Bit of a cunt’s choice.

Speaking of which Cunto cards are back in stock and I will have a few decks with me tonight if you’re looking for a pack.

Yo!

Dr P

Related image

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Why Is Phil Collins “The Beast” Anyway?

Quizzes in Edinburgh Tonight:

7pm – Brass Monkey Leith. Jackpot:£100. Cheat: Depeche Mode (music round)

9pm – Safari Lounge. Jackpot £30. Cheat news: Phil Collins (pic round)

Hey! A hundred quid at the Brass Monkey on Leith Walk tonight. Come and win.

Cheat piece for the music round at the Brass Leith tonight, it’s Depeche Mode:

I grew up listening to Depeche Mode and was always pretty sure this song is about either class, control or BDSM, I’ve never been quite sure which. This is the first time I’ve ever seen the video and it does nothing at all to clear things up.

I guess it’s about all three. Didn’t expect to see Greenham Common in there though…

So why is Phil Collins (star of tonight’s Safari Lounge picture round) known as THE BEAST?

Well, it’s a list of alleged crimes which include but are not limited to:

  • Taking all the money from Live Aid, thus…
  • Ensuring that Africa still starves to this day.
  • Divorcing second wife BY FAX.
  • Controlling the world’s tsunamis from his underwater headquarters in a lake in Switzerland.
  • Riding his bike through red lights.
  • Conducting a covert war against the poor of the Brazilian favelas using his own private security force.
  • Murdering orphans
  • Created Ebola virus in his Swiss lab
  • etc

What a bastard. In fact even if half of these things are true, it would still make him a Cunto, and that explains why he’s in the 2018 deck of Cunto Cards.

Yo

Dr P

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The Time Phil Collins started Ebola

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Monday Night Quiz Action and Reaction

Quizzes in Edinburgh Tonight:

7pm – Brass Monkey Leith. Jackpot:£50. Cheat: Chicks On Speed (music round)

9pm – Safari Lounge. Jackpot £150. Cheat news: Liverpool (pic round)

Great jackpots tonight. What’s not to love. Get to the quiz!

Cheat piece for the music round at the Brass Leith tonight, it’s Chicks on Speed:

I’ve always liked this song but I’ve just watched three or four Chicks on Speed videos on youtube and have decided I don’t like them as much as I thought I did.

They seem to be trying very very hard to be “ART” and “EDGE”.

I’ve not read about them and this might be a completely baseless judgement but I reckon they look like they started off life rich and, using this background platform of stability, are able to pursue “art” and shun commercialism.

Nothing inherently wrong with that. Fair play. But I think I prefer the commercial equivalent: something like Lady Gaga. It feels more honest.

Anyway, I’m sure Chicks on Speed don’t need me to validate them. I’m sure they’re enjoying their level of the fame monster just fine.

And they’re probably still more famous and more commerical than me, your favourite Edinburgh quizmaster.

Come to the quiz tonight and validate me. Win money.

Monday is great and brilliant and I should have some Cunto cards with me tonight just in case you’re looking for the best gift of 2018.

Yo

Dr P

 

 

Still reading? Follow me on TWITTER, people, or even check the Instagram

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Thursday Night Quizzes In Edinburgh

Quizzes Tonight:

7pm – Argyle Bar (Cellar). Jackpot £30. Cheat answer: Kraze (music round)

9pm – The Newsroom. Jackpot £200. Cheat answer: Mister Bump (pic round)

Thursday is happening. Whether you like it or not, Thursday is happening.

To make sure it’s happening right, you need to leave the house. This is an essential step. Then you must take more steps until you reach the pub. Once you get there, it’ll be great.

Meanwhile, here’s a clip from tonight’s music round at the Aryle. I remember this from when it was out, which is a LONG time ago. Quality tune, Chicago house dance music from the 80s (although I think the bloke who did Kraze was from New York). Terrific.

This is the stuff quizmasters used to dance to before they became quizmasters.

One day, the house sound will return and all your pissy modern ‘dance’ music will be eliminated. Last Sunday we had the return of dead Christ. Next Sunday we may see the return of true house.

You never know.

By the way – don’t miss Cunto Cards. Still some first edition packs left. Stop me and buy a pack at the quiz or get them online at cunto.org

Still reading? – join my TWITTER for even more Dr Paul related “entertainment”.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Monday Night Bangers – Huge Jackpot Monday

Quizzes in Edinburgh Tonight:

7pm – Brass Monkey Leith. Jackpot: 250. Cheat: Mickey Rourke (pic round)

9pm – Safari Lounge. Jackpot £240. Cheat news: DJ Sammy (music round)

Even bigger jackpots. Monday offers you the chance to get your sticky mitts on nearly five hundred quid which is nearly the amount of miles that the Proclaimers walk every week.

 

Here’s the video for a clip from tonight’s music round at the Safari. It is so pop trance perfect. This is how the heart beats, for real, forever.

By the way, my side project is CUNTO. It’s amazing and you can buy a pack now.

Cunto
Cunto

 

Who’s in the deck? Nigel Farage and 41 other utter Cuntos. That’s who.

Still reading? Follow me on TWITTER, mofo.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Sensational Jackpot Monday Night Edinburgh Pub Quiz Action

Quizzes in Edinburgh Tonight:

7pm – Brass Monkey Leith. Jackpot: 200. Cheat: Chocolate Puma (music round)

9pm – Safari Lounge. Jackpot £210. Cheat news: Othello (pic round)

Absolutely loads of money on offer at the quizzes tonight. The kind of money that gets Warren Buffet greased and Elon Musk hard.

Be part of it. Say you were there and be ready to tell the story about the time you went to both Monday night Dr Paul quizzes, won both jackpots and cleared more than £400 in Great British Pounds.

Here’s the video for a clip from tonight’s music round at the Brass LEith. It’s from 2001 and sounds EXACTLY like 2001. I think it perhaps THE most typical track of 2001. Even more so.

Except may Rui Da Silva, DJ Pied Piper and Roger Sanchez

The first of those three links is particularly 2001 because it’s introduced by Gail Porter and she references Jamie Theakston.

I think the sample in the Rui Da Silva song is Spandau Ballet, but I can’t quite place it.

If I wasn’t a quizmaster I think I’d produce electronic dance music, mainly built around samples of Spandau Ballet, Simple Minds, and Duran Duran songs of the early 1980s. It sounds like a decent way to make money.

It also sounds like an easy way to make fuck all money. I think there are quite a few procuders of electronic dance music based on old pop. I think it’s a buyers’ market.

So I’ll probably stick to quizzes just now. And of course, Cunto.

What is Cunto? Cunto is like Top Trumps but the deck is stacked with utter cunts. It’s my new invention and you can buy a pack now.

Cunto
Cunto

 

Who’s in the deck? Donald Trump and 43 other prime cunts. That’s who

Still reading? Follow me on TWITTER, mofo.

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.