Anyway, I found the TALENTLESS HACKS very excited one thursday night as I was handing out quiz sheets. Why the grinning and the excitement? Because, they told me, they were trying a new team name.

I say “Great. So what are you called now?” and they say

“You’ll have to wait and see”

So I was pretty excited too. But imagine my disappointment when we got to the end of round one, the answer sheets were handed in and there was the TALENTLESS HACKS new team name…

Quiz Quiztofferson?

Do me a favour. That’s nearly as hackneyed as NORFOLK AND CHANCE.

It must be noted that since this fucked up incident, the TALENTLESS HACKS have reverted to their known and loved team name.

As Ghandi said “Experimentation is a good thing – but not always with good outcomes.”

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BRING ME UNWANTED GIFTS TO GIVE AWAY IN THE JOKES ROUND AND I WILL GIVE YOU POINTS.

Tariff of points-for-gifts:

1. Give-away-able gift: 1 point
2. Really brilliant gift: 2 points
3. Mind-warp awesome gift: 3 points

Paul from THE NEPHRONS was the first to take advantage of the offer at last night’s Newsroom super quiz. The Spiderman Socks earned as 2 points on the scale.

Unfortunately the bonus points weren’t enoguh and the Nephrons finished thrid or fourth or something. But the bird who ended up winning the socks (for the Mister Sheen joke) was delighted!

Rule: one gift per team per quiz.

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And in such a world full of starvation, corruption, fear and  war, who can blame them?

Anyway,  it was obvious after one round that they weren’t going to win the quiz so cleverly they resorted to complimenting my hair.

I guess the thought process was that I would be grateful for their compliments and give them extra points and that they will be more likely to win the booze.

This didn’t work so then they offered to share the wine if I fixed it for them to win, also remembering to keep bigging up the DP hair.

When this didn’t work, it got pathetic:

and patheticker

And this is the kind of shit I have to deal with every week. You think being a pub quiz quizmaster is nothing but extreme glamour? Think again. Only the tough survive. True blood.

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They came all the way from Sheffield to suck up the atmosphere at the famous Dr Paul quiz, having gotten a flavour filtered by a screen thanks to our appearance on Channel 4′s Quiz Trippers last month.

From a point of view of cementing my reputation as the best quimaster in the Western World, it was unfortunate that their visit co-incided with the festival and the fucked-up-ness of the Central Edinburgh scene at this time of year (yes, the bar was a bit quiet).

But from another point of view it was cool cos they won in the face of not-much-competition. They got the booze but were unlucky to miss out on the cash as another rock-hard bozonko True/False episode kicked in.

Now, I still haven’t quite got my head round what the Venns do, but its something to do with Pub Quizzes and it seems pretty creative. I haven’t read their fanzine they gave me yet, but you can get a flavour at their blog, which includes Venn diagrams illustrating perfect pub quiz questions, perfect teams, etc.

Have a look. Entertaining!

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I Love Horses The Best Of All The Animals.

Gee, that’s really nice.

The thing I really like about this team name is that you can tell they mean no disrespect to sealions or boa constrictors or hyenas, its just that they really really like horses.

I repsect that.

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The article includes another Cheezin picture of my mug on the web. Can’t complain!

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Lewis's Pigeon Family Tat

Well done to winners at last night’s quiz at the Newsroom: Lewis, Lewis and Cameron – aka the Bar Staff

YOU SHOUTING: “But that’s the bar staff! Fix!”

Hey – relax.

At my quizzes, the bar staff are never allowed to win anything. It’s just for the glory.

This comes from the early days in Glasgow when I had no such rule, a bar staff team won £100 and I was nearly lynched by steaming mad quizzers who believed that the whole thing was a filthy swindle. Not true – but since then I’ve saved myself the bother.

The quiz win was the start of a big weekend of win for one of the Lewises (Silvertongue Canavan) who will be rocking T in The Park this Sunday night.

You see, don’t forget to be nice to bar staff. That might be the next big star serving you. And when they become famous and they have a billion pounds and they remember the fanny that was clicking their fingers and failing to say “please and thankyou” and failing to tip, they will order the demolition of your house to build a bypass for their helicopter.

Why?

Because revenge is part of human nature and sometimes you are the problem.

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I mean Jen (one of the contstants on Quiz Trippers, and the one who got her mug in the paper) is a good looking enough bird but I have really great hair. ho hum.

Here’s the story in the paper

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