In other words, these are offensive to some. If you’re the sort of person who gets offended at things, look away now, do not read these jokes, click somewhere nice, don’t read this shit. You’ll be upset. And then you will comment or email asking for an apology. And frankly, there is no apology, so look away now.

OK, for anyone still reading: here are the jokes (click on a pic to see it full size):

The first is a rather standard “fork in baby’s eyes” HARM joke:

The horror continues with this one from  our Halloween special at the Reverie,

Hate special needs stereoptypes and lingo? Complain to Ricky Gervais, after all he probably wrote this:

And now a visit to the doctor’s surgery. Bewar, this joke does NOT have a happy ending.

The continuing life in the jokes round kind of depends on stuff like this spicing up the harmless jokes. We could debate all night about what’s right to read out and not right to read out.  Is it a valid position to be offended. I think 90% of the time, the answer is no.

But there is a 10%, and sometimes I don’t read everything out that gets handed  in. The success of this or not can perhaps be judged by the fact that I  have NEVER been punched in the face despite running a jokes round for almost the entire lifespan of my pub quizzing (since 1996).

There’s almost a first time…

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This recent entry is probably the closest anyone has ever come to breaking that record:

Well done Edinburgh. Well done on your spelling prowess. Nearly.

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Q – What do you call a hippo who swears a lot?

A – A hippo potty mouth.

Q – Why do hippos fuck in water?

A – You try keeping a 10 lb clit wet.

Bloody hell.

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First there’s a shite rabbi joke and its nice when someone apologises for their shite rabbi joke:

Sometimes people prefer to hand in a comedy rhyme rather than a strict feed-punch joke construct:

This team admitted that they couldn’t think of anything because Phil Collins is the Beast

Most of the Japanese tsunami jokes so far have been quite creative and not-at-all-racist. Here’s the exception that proves the rule, inevitably coming from the pen of Google Eyed:

The basic horse-with-the-long-face joke can be made funnier by just adding an extra line for the horse:

This helium factory joke bombed but I loved it:

And I also love this out of order joke but you know what, I tihnk this actually won on the night it was handed in  (I can’t remember for sure though)…

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First there was this one handed in at the Newsroom, a real favourite of mine, about a bird who isn’t right beside you:

Then one from the Beast side of things. You don’t often get jokes picking on diabetics…

The Tom Jones joke is NOT usually worthy of inclusion in a round-up like this because its a wee bit vanilla, heard it a few too many times. But just at the quality of the handwriting here. You don’t get handwriting like this any more:

Here’s one of the all-time brutal jokes. Short, sharp and shocking:

Then a wee crafty golf-course joke, still nasty but a good 70% less brutal than the previous number:

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If science aint your thing, maybe you can appreciate  the one about the wee boy asking his Granpa to make animal noises.

Here’s a nice old-skool owl pun:

And now something completely evil, as sponsored by The Beast:

and to round off, the Aberdonian pancake joke.

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Normally I don’t like jokes which rely on an accent or a tone – but even I can stretch to camp for one syllable when its a good joke.

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click on any of them to view at full size.

WARNING: If you are easily offended, then please click somewhere else before you get to the bottom of the page where the rough jokes are.

lesbian joke

lipstick joke

knock knock joke

Michael Jackson melted joke

gary glitter aston villa joke

Mc Cann joke

Mexican joke

utter nonsense

This last one shows you the kind of shit I have to put up with when scanning and filtering what gets handed in for the jokes round. Can anyone say what is actually going on here?

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