BRING ME UNWANTED GIFTS TO GIVE AWAY IN THE JOKES ROUND AND I WILL GIVE YOU POINTS.

Tariff of points-for-gifts:

1. Give-away-able gift: 1 point
2. Really brilliant gift: 2 points
3. Mind-warp awesome gift: 3 points

Paul from THE NEPHRONS was the first to take advantage of the offer at last night’s Newsroom super quiz. The Spiderman Socks earned as 2 points on the scale.

Unfortunately the bonus points weren’t enoguh and the Nephrons finished thrid or fourth or something. But the bird who ended up winning the socks (for the Mister Sheen joke) was delighted!

Rule: one gift per team per quiz.

Share on Facebook

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

So it was a shock to hear that Max took his own life last Wednesday in Leith, just two days after the broadcast of his victorious appearance (above) together with Brian and his team ‘Tram Lines’ on the BBC quiz program Eggheads.

As with so many suicides, it appears that no one expected this or had any indication that he might do such a thing. It’s a complicated and tragic business. What can you say?

RIP Max, and here’s a few photos of him at the Dr Paul quiz over the last few years:

Also

Thanks to Brian for Eggheads snap.

Share on Facebook

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

In other words, these are offensive to some. If you’re the sort of person who gets offended at things, look away now, do not read these jokes, click somewhere nice, don’t read this shit. You’ll be upset. And then you will comment or email asking for an apology. And frankly, there is no apology, so look away now.

OK, for anyone still reading: here are the jokes (click on a pic to see it full size):

The first is a rather standard “fork in baby’s eyes” HARM joke:

The horror continues with this one from  our Halloween special at the Reverie,

Hate special needs stereoptypes and lingo? Complain to Ricky Gervais, after all he probably wrote this:

And now a visit to the doctor’s surgery. Bewar, this joke does NOT have a happy ending.

The continuing life in the jokes round kind of depends on stuff like this spicing up the harmless jokes. We could debate all night about what’s right to read out and not right to read out.  Is it a valid position to be offended. I think 90% of the time, the answer is no.

But there is a 10%, and sometimes I don’t read everything out that gets handed  in. The success of this or not can perhaps be judged by the fact that I  have NEVER been punched in the face despite running a jokes round for almost the entire lifespan of my pub quizzing (since 1996).

There’s almost a first time…

Share on Facebook

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

It probably won’t look exactly like the original 1980s-90s version above and Holness certainly won’t be hosting (and if he is it will be weird), but I’ve been told the original gameplay survives intact andthe prizes will be proper cash money.

Plus, this time you DON’T have to be a spotty wee student but you might still be able to take part with a hilarious mascot. As far as I’m aware, they’re happy for you to be a grown-up if you like.

The Edinburgh audition is this Tuesday (17th Jan 2012) and they still have slots.

I’m applying and you can too. Just drop an email to Lauren Tee tomorrow (Monday 16th Jan 2012) and she’ll sort you out. Tell her Dr Paul sent you.

If you’re not in Edinburgh, then I’m sure they have other auditions elsewhere. Get in touch and ask her.

Email either:

Lauren.Tee@talkbackthames.tv

blockbusters@talkbackthamesk.tv

Share on Facebook

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Graeme’s pals were certain their man was a shoo-in because he looks exactly like Warwick from ‘Life’s Too Short’. Graeme is on the left:

There is a resemblance, although Graeme is taller. The real reason why no one voted him winner may have been the fame-status of the celebrity target. I for one had never heard of the ‘Life’s Too Short’. Telly, apparently.

Team FLYSTRIKE nominated Brendan (right) as looking like Napoleon Dynamite (left):

Team NEPHRONS claimed their man Gary (left) looks like the Welsh Elvis, aka Shakin Stevens (right):

There were other better shouts that I failed to capture on digital photography including Peter Griffin, Naomi Campbell and The bloke out of Right Said Fred, but the eventual winner was Chris Renee from the QUIZ-LAMIC FUNDAMENTALISTS who looks almost exactly like Luis Suarez (Chris is on the right):

Good likeness although it must be pointed out that Chris showed absolutely no sign of hating black people. Chris and his team won a battered three-month-old copy of Viz and a Kirstie Alley movie on DVD.

That was a welcome break from the jokes round, we must do it again sometime…

Share on Facebook

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

OK, all right already. Here it is. Stop bugging me!

Share on Facebook

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

And in such a world full of starvation, corruption, fear and  war, who can blame them?

Anyway,  it was obvious after one round that they weren’t going to win the quiz so cleverly they resorted to complimenting my hair.

I guess the thought process was that I would be grateful for their compliments and give them extra points and that they will be more likely to win the booze.

This didn’t work so then they offered to share the wine if I fixed it for them to win, also remembering to keep bigging up the DP hair.

When this didn’t work, it got pathetic:

and patheticker

And this is the kind of shit I have to deal with every week. You think being a pub quiz quizmaster is nothing but extreme glamour? Think again. Only the tough survive. True blood.

Share on Facebook

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

Crazy. Can’t see those Ruskie peasants cropping too much of a wheat harvest armed only with plumbing.

Equally, I wouldn’t fancy washing my hands under a sickle. Confusing!

Share on Facebook

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

I like it when teams illustrate their team names.

Share on Facebook

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.

I asked teams to write down ten places named after food and this is what I got:

Tasty!

Share on Facebook

For cheats and hints to win Dr Paul quizzes in Edinburgh, get the weekly email.