I enjoyed my one-week-only at O’Connor’s last Tuesday night – it was nice to meet you!
But now young Joshua has taken over and should be there for the foreseeable.
One of the answers in tonight’s music round is The Flying Lizards. This is the song:
Brilliant song. Not their song – the original was a 50s song written by Berry Gordy and was the first ever hit on Motown Records. The Beatles covered it but this 1979 version by The Flying Lizards is surely the greatest version and one of the best covers of all time.
Here is the cheat clue for tonight’s music round at the Newsroom. It’s nobody’s favourite band: Everything But The Girl.
This is the kind of music you liked for about three minutes when you were 24-years-old, because it made you feel like a grown-up and you’d reached that moment where you thought growing up might be a good idea.
It’s a bit like Dido and a bit like M-People and sort of like Coldplay. In other words – it’s had all the zazz taken out.
Like the Corrs. Like Elbow.
And playing the song reminded you why you never wanted to be grown-up in the first place.
The slowness, the refinement, the lack of anything obvious. Ah yes – the po-faced greyed-out silent screaming soul-death of it all.
Suddenly you remembered that grown-ups are unstoppably dull, obsessed with mortgages and patios and two weeks in the Caribbean.
So you get spooked, put the CD (as it was back then) back in it’s case and you go back to the box marked “Heavy Metal and Rave” and go back to playing stuff you actually like.
After that, things could go either way.
If, during the 180-second brush with adulthood you accidentally got married and filled in a remarkably large number of direct debit forms in a remarkably short amount of time, then here you are: ostensibly sitting with the grown-ups, sitting in a car and changing a nappy and wondering where all the Motorhead went.
If you avoided this fate the here you are: full of booze and parties all of which thinly masks an expanding void pulsing with nothing but emptiness and darkness, right at the heart of your being. You have loads of access to Motorhead though. And possibly darts.
As they said in Alien versus Predator: “No Matter Who Wins – We All Lose“, which is possibly the truest thing ever written.
The sentiment can be translated as “fucked if you do, fucked if you don’t” and brings to mind the latest Brexit hoo-hah.
If you’ve had enough of all the shite on media about Brexit then come to the quiz.
I recommend it. Take your mind off it all for a few hours. Win some biscuits, some money, some booze and some self-respect.
Lothian Road has never had a DP Quiz but that changes tonight when Michael starts quizzing at the Raging Bull.
The Raging Bull is towards Tollcross – it’s on the left as you’re heading up Lothian Road and it used to be Moriarty’s but it feels a lot nicer now. They have lots of delicious booze including speciality cocktails and they also do snacks. Quiz is at 9pm.
And the other good news is that the Brass Monkey is operational once again after the annual pain in the arse known as the Festival layoff.
Maybe see you up there tonight.
Here’s the cheat tip: The All Saints are in tonight’s music round at the Brass Monkey on Drummond Street:
It’s pure 1990s, all the way through. Here’s the video:
Fun All Saints fact: When she was around 10 years old, Melanie Blatt was diagnosed with scoliosis and has three metal rods in her back.
It sounds sore.
But not as sore as when you answer all the questions in the jackpot round correctly and then decide to not enter the round.
This is what it looks like when that happens:
Don’t be a non-winning winner. Get your entries in!
So anyway – if you’re anywhere near Tollcross tonight, please go and visit the Raging Bull and give young Michael a boost at his first quiz.
Other than that I’ll see you at the Joker or the Monkey
By the way – there was a mistake last week in the free answers but I’ve double checked and the above is CORRECT for tonight.
That doesn’t happen very often.
Get your Sunday on
By the way, here’s the audio cheat for tonight which refers to the music round at the Tolbooth:
It’s the Black Crowes!
And I’ve nothing to say about them except that they look really American. That’s not a bad thing – it’s just a true. It’s all the “rock n roll” pose.
When British acts do that – they never look like they really mean it.
Not to say that British acts don’t look rock and roll. Deep Purple, Led Zep – but I’m talking about the pose. The only ones who succesfully pull off a pose are usually ironic or comedic – e.g. Pulp or The Darkness.
Anyway, the other cheat tonight (for the Persevere Picture round) is about Boo Boo bear who is pals with Yogi Bear and lives in Jellystone Park.
“Jellystone.” Ho ho ho ho.
That’s got to be the best pun of all time.
But then, that’s your Americans again. It took me many childhood years to realise that Americans mean jam when they say “jelly”.
And if they want to say jelly they have to say “Jell-o”.
Anyway – I went to American a few times and despite all this madness I didn’t have too much trouble with the language.
By the way – get yourself on Dr Paul instagram for top quiz snaps and Dr Paul Twitter is also there for those of you who prefer the madness of that particular platform.
Also: Want to quiz but have no team? Try our Meetup Group which can supply you with a ready-made team.
Here are the cheat clue for tonight’s music round at the Newsroom. It’s three-man wanking-triangle, Busted.
The video includes a stunt in which Busted chase a Concorde which is belting down the runway, about to take off.
The scruffy post-pop urchins of music jump from the truck onto the undercarriage just as the plane is rising and successfully board the plane.
Then James Charlie and Matt (that’s their names) somehow make their way up into the cabin where they proceed to make female air steward staff members want to have sex with them by using charm tactics (including throwing peanuts around, like a monkey).
I’m no charm or aviation expert, but surely this is all bollocks?
The true figure is probably higher, given that stowaways often fall unconscious and can easily fall to their deaths when the undercarriage opens, something which can be undetected.
As far as I can tell, there is no door from the wheels to the seats.
The motive is also bollocks. The article notes that most aeroplane stowaways are attempting to escape hostile living conditions and that most recorded stowaways board flights from war-torn regions towards Western Europe and the USA.
The article doesn’t mention any real historical incidents of anyone from a pop band gaining sex with a stewardess by stowing away in the undercarriage.
Pop stars usually gain sex by standing in discos and being recognised.
So the Busted video is pure bollocks but it’s OK because so is 94% of pop culture. And it’s also OK cos the Fringe is nearly over. September is so nice!