Why Is Phil Collins “The Beast” Anyway?

Quizzes in Edinburgh Tonight:

7pm – Brass Monkey Leith. Jackpot:£100. Cheat: Depeche Mode (music round)

9pm – Safari Lounge. Jackpot £30. Cheat news: Phil Collins (pic round)

Hey! A hundred quid at the Brass Monkey on Leith Walk tonight. Come and win.

Cheat piece for the music round at the Brass Leith tonight, it’s Depeche Mode:

I grew up listening to Depeche Mode and was always pretty sure this song is about either class, control or BDSM, I’ve never been quite sure which. This is the first time I’ve ever seen the video and it does nothing at all to clear things up.

I guess it’s about all three. Didn’t expect to see Greenham Common in there though…

So why is Phil Collins (star of tonight’s Safari Lounge picture round) known as THE BEAST?

Well, it’s a list of alleged crimes which include but are not limited to:

  • Taking all the money from Live Aid, thus…
  • Ensuring that Africa still starves to this day.
  • Divorcing second wife BY FAX.
  • Controlling the world’s tsunamis from his underwater headquarters in a lake in Switzerland.
  • Riding his bike through red lights.
  • Conducting a covert war against the poor of the Brazilian favelas using his own private security force.
  • Murdering orphans
  • Created Ebola virus in his Swiss lab
  • etc

What a bastard. In fact even if half of these things are true, it would still make him a Cunto, and that explains why he’s in the 2018 deck of Cunto Cards.


Dr P

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The Time Phil Collins started Ebola

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